Two Bits: You’ll wonder where the dullness went . .

The autumn weather is like the littlest bear’s porridge: not too hot, not too cold – just right. The weekend snow on the Berg brings a nip and a promise of the winter ahead.

It also brings the winter waves much prized by surfers, so it’s the right time for the next Ballito Pro surfing contest in June/July.

Fifty years old this year, the Pro is the longest running pro surf contest in the world, having started life as the Durban 500, then the Gunston 500. Six-times winner Shaun Tomson will be making a special trip out from the USA to join the celebration.

It’s a local milestone as well for Ballito surf couple Johno and Bernice Hutchison, who celebrate 21 years of their Groundswell surf shop in the Boulevard centre.

They are huge supporters of local surfing and from next year, Johno will be taking over the reins as event director from Colin Fitch of the World Surf League.

I first met Johno in the 80s when, as a Jehovah’s Witness, he refused military conscription and was ‘sentenced’ to work for the Ballito municipality for two years. One day he dived into rough seas at Clarke Bay to rescue a drowning man, for which he was awarded the Wolraaad Woltemade medal. It must have stuck in President PW Botha’s craw to present a medal for bravery to a young man who had refused to fight in his army!

Anyhow, as Collette Bundy said at the Pro launch last week, Johno, Bernice and Groundswell are now official Ballito institutions! Congratulations!

* * *

They tell me there’s a science to the layout of supermarkets and in this day where there’s a science to everything, I can well believe it. So how come the layout of each supermarket is different? Man, I have to wander around a new store five times before I get my bearings.

There are some things my wife asks me to buy that are a complete mystery. What, I ask you, is cake mix? Or candied peel? The shelf packers look vague when I ask and they just say “We seem to have run out . . .” So I’m none the wiser.

Anyhow, the other day she asks me to buy toothpaste. I navigate to the right section (a miracle) and there is a whole pile of toothpaste. It takes up ten shelves and the prices range from R8.09 to an eye-watering R70.69. What am I to do?

The only toothpaste name that sticks in my head is from a marketing jingle in the 60s that went:

You’ll wonder where the dullness went

When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent!

It didn’t take long before this parody to emerge:

You’ll wonder where the enamel went

When you brush your teeth with wet cement!

Pepsodent is a brand that went out with the Ark, so I’m no wiser today.

But I ask myself this: what exactly is the difference between the brands and types and are some better than others, to justify the massive differences in price?

Is an R8 tube as good as a R70 one? This is a question that I’m sure most shopping mothers cut their teeth on, but it presents a challenge to a newbie shopper in his autumn years.

My dentist just laughed when I asked him. The only important ingredient, to his mind, is fluoride.

That requires a bit of explanation. Tooth decay is caused by bacteria naturally present in one’s mouth. These bacteria form a sticky, colourless soft film on the teeth called plaque. When foods containing carbohydrates (starches and sugars) are eaten, the bacteria that form plaque use the sugar as a form of energy. They also turn it into a glue-like substance that helps them stick to the surface of the tooth. The plaque produces acid, which attacks the enamel.

Technicalities aside, no enamel equals infected teeth and much pain. And the short answer is that enamel protected by fluoride resists acids better.

So, which toothpastes contain fluoride? The answer is, as I found out from a lengthy examination of all the boxes, that most of them do, from the cheapest to the Rolls Royce brands. And what about those that promise to whiten your teeth, remove bacteria and freshen your breath so you don’t creep out your date?

Well the whitening promise is a bit like the Pepsodent parody above. Some of them contain grinding pastes which might take off the layer of nicotine and other gunk, but too much and it’ll take off the enamel as well. You don’t want that.

Bacteria in your mouth, says my dentist, is a good thing. It’s perfectly natural. By sterilising your mouth with anti-bacterial mouthwash you are in fact upsetting your whole inside working bits and that can lead to . . . worse bad breath, let alone the damage from wiping out the flora in your gut. There are specialist pastes like those for sensitive teeth, that contain what is effectively a painkiller, but the real answer there is to get the enamel back.

Mmm, I say to him, it’s beginning to sound like no toothpaste is okay, too. Quite right, he replies. Fluoride is good protection, but mostly using toothpaste is about the taste.

It’s just as effective to clean your teeth with a brisk brushing, even without toothpaste. Maybe a bit of water for lubrication. Even plain soap will do. Some people use salt or baking soda – it’s cheap and works, but the truth is a combination of bristle and arm action.

The second most important thing you need to do to protect your teeth, he says, is to floss daily. Aargh, I knew he’d say that! It’s such a pain!

So there you have it. Believe it or not, the toothpaste shelves are mostly about marketing hype. For good reason, because it’s a multi-million rand industry. But next time I’m sent to buy toothpaste, I know what I’ll buy. All I have to sort out now is that damned cake mix!

* * *

I had loads to do today. Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.

Are you looking to join a local church? Visit our Churches on the North Coast feature to find out more.

Do you want to receive news alerts via WhatsApp? Send us a WhatsApp message (not an sms) with your name and surname to 061 718 4438.

Please read our WhatsApp broadcast list disclaimer.
Join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram