Two Bits: Off to a good start

So, it all went pretty well over the holidays, didn’t it! The lights stayed on, water ran from the taps, the sun shone, the bluebottles stayed away mostly, people flocked to beaches and shops and a pretty good time was had by all. Even my neighbour’s over-the-top thunder crackers two nights before New Year didn’t fuss us. They had to run out, eventually.

Our traditional New Year’s Eve party on the deck went well, thanks to the perfect weather and everybody being in a good mood. Or maybe it was just me. I stress a bit about big gatherings but it was a good start that the prawns from Ocean Queen were big, firm and brilliant. We hauled out the skottels and the menu was prawns and rice with a separate chicken and veggie stir-fry.

Making the sauce is straightforward, with some ginger and garlic and coriander and stuff, takes two minutes to prepare. If you don’t like the sound of a prawn and ginger sauce, hear it in Spanish: Langostinos en Salsa de Ajoy Jengibre.

The stress comes in the cooking. Prawns have to be just right. Underdone they’re inedible and overdone is like eating blotting paper. But hey, it’s a party, so hand out spatulas and stand in the background. The men then take over the cooking and have something to do in the long run up to midnight. It’s not a sexist thing, women don’t like to hover over gas fires that spit fat everywhere. Or they can’t stand the competition. Just saying.

Of course, the prawns were pronounced perfectly cooked and everyone was happy. The light show all along the beach afterwards was long and loud and dazzling, a real wallow in excess, but what the hell, we all could use a little cheering up.

Reality arrived in the office post on January 2, with a notice that my driver’s licence would expire on January 16. It hadn’t crossed my mind to check last year, so it’s written in my calendar for the next renewal in 2023. Ja, sure.

So, I set off to Stanger early but was still about 40th in line when the doors opened. One of the three computers wasn’t working right from the start, so as the line edged forward, everybody shuffling up one seat at a time like nursery school, I really hoped they kept going at least long enough to get my application in. Anyway, it was all over in about four hours so phew, I just hope the licence arrives when it should. Denis Aspden’s experience is not encouraging (see Letters).

One thing was odd. They tell you firmly that you must have three ID photos and if you give the guy in the corner R30, he’ll take your pic and deliver three neat little photos in 10 minutes. Then you must staple one photo to your form and that’s it. They don’t need the other two! Nice work if you can get it. But I was lucky to get in when I did.

The queue has doubled since and the system can’t cope. It is unacceptable that the whole country is being inconvenienced because the staff of the company making the licences were on strike last year. So, everything is jammed up. The government should have stepped in, fired the company and made a plan. It’s worse at Home Affairs, where the queues are down the street and around the corner. Every year they promise to fix it and every year it gets worse.

Telkom isn’t much better. After years of fighting with them about ADSL and phone line quality at home, the phone died in November. Telkom SMSed me that the phone lines in Salt Rock had been stolen and wouldn’t be replaced. I bought a wireless internet connection (and must add that the staff in the Telkom Ballito office are great!) and cancelled the Telkom internet and phone contracts. Imagine my reaction when the Telkom call centre phoned and asked why I was cancelling. Hello!!

Call centres, by the way, get my goat. They work from a list of inane questions and can’t deviate from that. They can’t answer any questions slightly off-topic becase the answers aren’t on their script. Bring back personal service!

An unwelcome Christmas present from Sanral was a bill for R143.78 for e-toll charges in July and August, accompanied by pictures of my NT registered car going through gantries in Gauteng when I know I was in Ballito. I had traded in my car a few weeks earlier for a new car from a big motor dealer and hadn’t removed the licence plates because I trusted them to do it. More fool me. I’ve sent Sanral proof of the deal and hope they accept it. And they can send the dealer the bill.

Those hiccups aside, I’m looking forward to the new year because my resolution is to ignore the small stuff. This will be the 20th year in a row I’m promising to ignore the small stuff, then life goes and gets awkward. Here’s hoping 2019 will be different.

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Given the choice between a new wife and a new car, what would you choose? Petrol or diesel?

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