Having owned a number of off-road vehicles, I have often been lured into the costly world of modifications….and what a mess I have made!
One specific vehicle sums up this foolishness – a Land Rover Discovery 1 named Studla (‘big lady’ in Zulu).
I went down the road of performance and off-road modifications.
The modifications were innocent enough to start with, such as a bigger set of mud terrain tyres.
And, as every action has an equal and opposite reaction (thank you Einstein), I found myself going slowly as these extremely noisy tyres were sucking the horses dry.
More power was required!
Add performance tuning and chipping, a free-flow exhaust and fancy filters and the old barge was hopping along like a spring chicken!
However Einstein got me back and I was reduced to a humbling five kilometres to the litre of petrol – and that was when I was behaving.
Towing something or trying to scare small children with its throaty roar reduced that to three kilometres.
The only thing for it was to install a long-range tank and, armed with a full 130 litres, Ballito to St Lucia and back was again possible – but only just.
Many other modifications followed – winches, water tanks and fancy yellow suspension.
I spent more than double what I paid for the thing in the first place.
My dad had the same Discovery called Helga – but she was all natural.
The old girl in stock standard condition would stay in a straight line on the road, could actually go past a fuel station without stopping, and you could have a conversation as the tyres and exhaust were barely audible.
Put simply, standard was a pleasure! I never admitted this to him, obviously, and viciously defended my lunacy, battling the old boat down the road while yelling at my companions, who were ever-dwindling in number.
After many years of joy (or suffering) I eventually parted ways with the Disco and bought a Defender (slightly less suffering).
The Defender remained stock standard, with the exception of a winch which was needed for a ski-boat.
It took me almost everywhere I needed to go and did so in comfort, mostly.
The vehicle that I have now is not from the Rover stable, and is also stock standard.
I have gone as far as to remove the silly side-steps and the cheap nudge bar.
There are fleeting moments when I dream about big wheels, a free-flow exhaust and some tuning, but then I think about that good vehicle that I ruined.
I have learned to leave it to the professionals to pimp your ride.
I just ruined my ride.
Standard is surprisingly good and I am very happy with the money, comfort, reliability, efficiency and resale value that I saved.
Maybe it is the size of your ego that requires taking up two parking spaces, or having a carbon footprint the size of a Airbus A380?
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