#TwoBits: Who are the good guys?

For the sake of our sanity, I think the bad guys should wear black hats and the good guys, white hats. I just can’t tell who’s who anymore.

General Mkhwanazi is our man who blew the whistle, so he’s definitely a White Hat. But then I’m hard pressed to work out who else is on his side. Minister Mchunu and General Khumalo come across as fairly straight arrows, but I have my doubts about Commissioner Masomela, who might qualify for a Grey Hat. General Sibiya I would not trust to tell me the weather, so he’s a Black Hat. He’s head of police intelligence but has never heard of Cat Matlala. He apparently lives under a rock, everyone else has.

Who are all these people, you may ask? Is this an episode of Days of Our Lives? No, it’s the top brass of our esteemed police force who have spent the week in Parliament displaying their inability to run a spaza shop.

Yes and No are not words that the members of the Black Hat brigade are familiar with. Their answers to questions about who did what and who said what in the investigation into the police force have been “I don’t know,” “I wasn’t there” and “That’s not my job.”

For instance, Minister Mchunu said in his famous letter of December 31, 2024, that the Political Killings Task Team had to be disbanded “immediately,” but it wasn’t. Apparently “immediately” doesn’t mean “straight away” in La la land. It’s more like “just now” as opposed to “now now.” I hope that’s crystal to you.

There was also the moment when after four hours of mind-numbing testimony, Julius Malema interrupted to ask if the meeting could take a comfort break. Ever-pleasant and straining to be pleasant, Minister Mchunu misunderstood and replied: “No it’s okay, I am very comfortable, thank you.”

That was only Week 1 of the Great Police Farce so sit back, pass the popcorn and keep watching.

Across the water, Prince Andrew is another Black Hat. King Charles stripped him of his Duke of York title for his extramarital dalliance with an underage girl and links with Jeffrey Epstein. So, Randy Andy gets the snotklap he deserves.

Now, onto something different. Flipping through TV channels the other day I was elated by the news that Israel and Palestine had agreed to a ceasefire and that hostages and prisoners of both sides had been released. For the last two years we’ve been watching this horror story unfold in real time on our TV screens every day – the October 7 attack, the brutal retaliation, the flattening of Gaza, the suffering, the endless body count, the wringing of hands on and on and on…

South Africa made its view clear: this government was resolutely against the war. We sued Israel in the International Court of Justice. America was the Great Satan for backing Israel. Trump was the devil incarnate. Huge protest rallies across America and Europe. Whether you agree or disagree, that was what was done.

Then one day last week, the war ended, the hostages were returned and Palestinian prisoners were freed. What was South Africa’s reaction? Silence. Nobody said “Well done Donald Trump for ending the war,” or “Thank you for getting the hostages back.”

While foreign networks showed pictures of hostages being embraced by their emotional families, local media ignored the story, concentrating instead on the Madlanga Commission while the digital news outlets ran a brief story in third or fourth place.

If there was ever a perfect illustration of virtue signalling, this was it. It was fashionable to support Palestinians and condemn Trump, but when it comes to saying out loud “Look, I think Trump is an idiot but he’s done a good thing this time,” there is only silence. If Taylor Swift or Tom Cruise had ended the war the world would be swooning, We need to play the ball, not the man.

I think for this, Trump deserves a White Hat.

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