And then it came to pass that Father Christmas gathered the elves, fed the reindeer and called a meeting to begin the great job of checking out the long list of good children from around the world who would be receiving presents on Christmas eve night.
There was lots to be done: order in the masses of toys from China, dust off the hundreds of A4 size batteries used to power those Chinese toys and of course fire up the old GPS to ensure Father Christmas reached every child.
But unlike previous Christmases – and he had seen a few – this year Father Christmas observed grumbling in his normally jolly ranks. He heard one elf whisper – none too softly mind you – to Prancer that ‘this company does nothing for you – we have to do all the work’ and ‘that we never get time off to use our Samsungs.’

Father Christmas grew uneasy when he realised there were no volunteers to unpack the extra feed needed for the reindeer.

Dasher murmured something about how stressed he was when the Easter Rabbit – who Father Christmas used as a ‘wingman’ during his down time – forced him to delete his Facebook link from the Grotto computer network.
There was a shuffling of feet when Father Christmas went through the routine of how the presents should be wrapped, packed and stored on the sleigh which travels at the speed of light to ensure the world’s children receive Christmas presents in one night – regardless of time zones.
Father Christmas grew uneasy when he realised there were no volunteers to unpack the extra feed needed for the reindeer. Normally, Donna did this but when asked she grumbled something about ‘production bonus’.
Now, the old man was not used to such deviant behaviour. He had work to do and the whole world was his service delivery area. He tried again. Asking his team to get the new toys ready, polish the sleigh… but there was resistance.
Finally, he raised his voice calling on his team to ‘come to the party’ and do ‘their bit’. Prancer retaliated – calling Father Christmas and his grotto an oppressive regime and demanding that the reindeer’s meal allowance be separated from their monthly pay packet. Rudolf wanted compensation for being laughed at.

Now Father Christmas simply did not know what to do

An especially mean elf started trashing the new presents and then demanded lunch money. Dasher started jigging up and down, shouting that the ‘workers want a 189% increase and will not budge’. Now Father Christmas simply did not know what to do. But the more he called for reason the louder the shouting reverberated around the North Pole. The elves started throwing snowballs and their main targets were the Easter Rabbit and the Tooth Fairy who Father Christmas used to look after the girls’ presents when she was not rushing around with small teeth and coins.
Then, the sleigh was toppled over and Donna set fire to it – using Rudolf’s nose as a fire lighter. Slowly the ice began to melt as the fire spread through the grotto – burning millions of presents. Father Christmas ran for his life. Casting one final glance behind him, he saw his grotto crash into the icy waters, which had by now also consumed the elves and most of the reindeer that could not get out of the way in time.
Much later, Father Christmas left the North Pole for good – but there was not peace on earth – there was gnashing of teeth and the wailing of children… and that is why until this day, mums and dads have to buy Christmas presents.