‘Dear Father Christmas, all I want is a lot…’
They did not even eat KFC or drink something from green bottle
Dear Father Christmas
Judging by the weather lately in Endumeni it looks as if we could have a white Christmas.
Which is a good thing because right now the future here between the hills looks pretty dark. You see, my grandfather is really getting old and is vulnerable to attack while doing his shopping in Dundee. Can’t you please send the municipality some CCTV cameras like Dannhauser to help make him feel secure. And while you are there, can you please send the municipality some new pavements as the ones my Oupa has to walk on are dodgy and I am scared he will fall.
And I know I am asking a lot, Father Christmas, but I have been a good ratepayer this year and have not missed a single payment.
Gosh! I even paid my TV license and keep my 20cent pieces for the parking meters. So, while you are looking into the municipal grotto, can you please fix all the potholes. I know you did send a fairy recently to do those roads damaged by the trucks on Commercial Road (near Home Affairs) but that fairy was a slacker and I see the potholes are already back there. Oupa said in his days the fairies did it once and that was it.
Father Christmas, sorry man, … you know how us South Africans are …
Also, Father Christmas, our parks in town… Oupa and his mates from the old age home had their Christmas party in Coronation Park last week – now, do not get me wrong – Die Woestynrot did not even hear them (I think only Oupa Willie heard a thing – the rest left their hearing aids in their rooms) as they sat quietly under a tree, drinking coffee and rusks and ol’ Oupa Frik sang some carols and strummed his three-string guitar. They did not even eat KFC or drink something from green bottles. They even cleaned up afterwards – but I digress… if you can send the municipality a fence to keep out the party swingers who booze, wheelspin and leave behind a mess. Oupa will be happy – you see, he and his mates had to first pick up the mess (including condoms) before they could sit and enjoy their little get-together.
Ag, Father Christmas, sorry man, … you know how us South Africans are – we get a nail then we want the whole arm, leg and shoulder – while you are there, please cure all pedestrians of their colour blindness so they cross roads when the green man shows and not the red man?
Again, many thanks and please pop round when you are in town on Christmas Eve for a dop and mince pie.
Yours truly,
Grumpy Elf
