FINDING a road in Vryheid that isn’t plagued by potholes can be likened to a proverbial search for the Holy Grail, although, in essence, there are few things more holey than Vryheid’s roads at this point.
While the pothole problem is by no means endemic to Vryheid, AbaQulusi, or even South Africa as a whole (see what we did there?), we, as South Africans, are well known for our wonderful ability to find the humour in basically any situation, and potholes are certainly no exception.
Scroll to the bottom of the story to watch a video of a drive along President Street, while dodging the potholes!
Here at the Vryheid Herald, we have compiled a quick list of things you can’t do while driving down President Street, one of the worst afflicted roads in Vryheid when it comes to potholes…
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Things you can’t do when driving down President Street:
1 – Drive in a straight line: No matter how hard you try to drive in a straight line down President Street, you’re never going to win. You’re bound to hit a pothole, even on a bicycle.
2 – Stay in your lane: Not a chance. As a motorist, you’ll be bobbing and weaving like an F1 driver trying to keep his tyre temperatures up on a safety car lap.
3 – Miss the tar patches: John Denver’s ‘Take Me Home, Country Roads’ quickly becomes ‘Bumpy Roads, I hope I get home…” on the horrendously uneven surface of President Street.
4 – Appear to be sober: “I swear, Officer… I was just dodging the potholes.”
5 – Wear a strapless bra: Ladies, I’m sure this one needs no explanation.
6 – Transport Nitroglycerin: Erratically volatile explosive liquid that can be triggered to explode by the slightest jolt. (Refer back to point 3)
Here’s what the ladies in the Vryheid Herald office had to say when put on the spot and asked what one cannot do when driving down President Street:
Pearl, our Proofreader, replied, “You definitely can’t look around because you’re likely to fall into a hole.”
Sine Thwala, our other journalist responded by saying, “You can’t drink, or even hold, a milkshake when you drive down President Street. Also, you can’t drive along there without using the ‘F word’ at least once. If you can, you have the patience of a saint…”
“Arrive at your destination without your car almost falling apart,” was our sales rep, Amanda du Plessis’ reply to the question and Christel Kusel, our other sales rep, warns not to take your eyes off the road.
Teresa Williams, our favourite designer, added, “You can’t find a stretch of road without a hole in it in President street…”
Last, but by no means least, our Editor-in-Chief, Estella Naicker concluded with, “You can’t sing along to your favourite jam without a wobble in your voice,” but, finding a silver lining in the cloud, she adds, “You can save money on your gym contract by driving along President Street…”
Can you add to this list? Send us your suggestions of what not to do when driving down President Street by visiting our Facebook page and adding your comment.
Safe driving, residents of Vryheid and, watch out for those potholes!
