Street names. You sort of need them when you are looking for a place – be it for a friend’s house, a baddie’s house or for where a guy who can organise you a tender stays.
It is amazing how many born and bred Dundonians – Glenconians too for that matter – barely know on what street they live.
Asked where they live, the person who has resided for 47 years on Smith Street will say, ‘oh, you know where George lives – the guy with the green car – just around the corner from him’.
Pressed for complete address, the Dundonian will answer, with a glint of triumph in his/her eyes ‘well, next door to that old couple whose son is actually in jail – remember the guy who drove a red bakkie?’
And now you are stumped?
Who the hell is George, who is the jailbird?
I tried plugging into my Garmin those details. But Garmin cannot read ‘the person who lives next to George’. Garmin also does not do very well with ‘next door to the jailbird’s parents’. I wonder why?
In Glencoe, it is a bit easier. Everyone lives on either Damman or Celle Streets. Everyone knows that except those who actually live there.

Of course, the changes in street names can also play havoc with even Garmin.

Out in Glenridge it is also easier. Asked for an address and the answer is usually something like ‘you know Aunty Rosie – the one from the school – well, not next to her but just further on past the stop street’.
Peacevale is also pretty interesting. Especially if the guys have interesting nicknames. Like, ‘you remember Peaches? Well, sort of diagonally across from his vrou.’
Or how about: ‘Okay, remember that Pliers oke? Well, behind his late bru’s house’.
Now, you try writing that into those blocks on the forms at the police station when you need to open a case. Or tell the telesales woman when you are updating your cellphone contract.
Of course, the changes in street names can also play havoc with even Garmin.
Especially in Durban where the street name committee had a field (excuse the pun) day changing every colonial name out. Even Edwin Swales, who of course, won a VC fighting fascism and racism but I guess that does not count. Funnily enough, Kitchener Street was deemed okay to stay.
The Garmin talker is not very good with our local names either: ‘In 100 metres, turn left into Zoo nellie Cells Street’. Okay this can get you lost. Especially if you are like the Bowman who gets lost in Wasbank.
Now, translated that means Zanele Cele Street. To be fair, we need local Garmin talkers and not people who will make us lost in translation and in our cars…