Single father? Here’s how to cope

Being a single mom is hard, but being a single dad is even harder!

March 2, 2016

Zianne Leibrandt 4 minutes read

~While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us all about life~

It’s a fact – no one gets married with the idea that they will somehow end up being a single parent. Your plan is to be together forever with the dreams of a big house, 2.5 children, pets and just the whole nine yards.

However, it’s an awful fact that most marriages don’t last, or there might be the unfortunate, unplanned death of your spouse, and just like that your whole world is pulled from under you and you’re left raising your children on your own.

Now, being a single mom is hard, but being a single dad is even harder! How do they cope with a crying baby, a grumpy daughter entering puberty or a rebellious teenage boy without going completely insane?

Below is a list we hope will help single fathers conquer Mother Nature’s most difficult and challenging task.

1. Adapt to your new circumstances

~A father who raises his children on his own is nothing short of a hero~

Yes, men are raised to be tough, but now is the time to change. Teach yourself to be more sympathetic and understanding. Bring out that softer side of you. However, don’t completely get rid of the tough guy, as sometimes you’ll need to be stricter.

2. Deep breaths, daddy

~Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad ~

Take a deep breath, count to ten and let go of all anger before taking on the single daddy task. You are stepping into a whole new world, for which you were not prepared. Don’t overthink things; just take it one day at a time. It will get better.

3. Don’t be too hard on yourself

~Sometimes being a dad is way better than being a super hero~

Yes, this is a tough job and you don’t get do-overs. You are going to make mistakes, and a lot of them as well. No one ever said raising children was easy, especially when you’re doing the job solo. Don’t be too hard on yourself. At the end of the day, you are doing the best you can with what you have.

4. Don’t bite off more than you can chew

~A successful father will produce a child greater than himself~

It’s a fact that men believe there is nothing they can’t do. Running around after children, while cleaning the house, making supper, doing homework and doing your laundry can become a bit much. Relax and take care of the chores one at time. No one is going to judge your for having an untidy living room when you have to spend quality time with your children.

5. Make sure you have a good support system

~There will be many times you feel like you've failed, but in the eyes, heart and mind of your child you are super-dad!~ — ~There will be many times you feel like you’ve failed, but in the eyes, heart and mind of your child you are super-dad!~

It’s very easy to become isolated from the world when you’re a single parent, as you feel all your time and energy must be put into raising your children. However, this is not healthy for your mental well-being. At some point, you are going to need outside help, so whether it is a family member or a close group of friends who know and understand your circumstances, a support system is always a good idea.

6. Budget, budget and budget

~The best job you will ever have, is being a dad~

One of the most difficult aspects of being a single parent is raising a family on only one income. From school fees, clothing and doctor appointments, to rent, food and petrol, it’s not easy balancing these expenses. Therefore, you will need to set up a well balanced budget to make sure you get through your months.

7. Anger management

~There is nobody stronger than a single parent~

Children can get up to mischief, and on the not so better days, a stressed out parent tends to take their anger out on the children. However, it is important to realise that a damaged spirit is much harder to repair than the glass they just broke. Leave the room for a bit, return when you’re feeling better, and assure your young one that everything is okay.

8. “Daddy I’m not feeling well today…”

~Being a single parent is not a life full of struggles, but a journey for the strong~

Runny noses, sore tummies and earache – every parent dreads the thought of their baby being sick. However children do not decide when they are going to become ill, and as a parent you always need a backup plan. Make sure you stock the necessary medicine for the days your little one feels under the weather. If it’s more serious and may require a day leave, don’t be hesitant to ask a family member or a friend to help look after your child for the day.

9. Daily routines are important

~Being a father helps you become more responsible. You see more things than you ever thought you'd see~ — ~Being a father helps you become more responsible. You see more things than you ever thought you’d see~

Children need stability in their lives. This is where a daily routine comes in. Set specific times: playtime, bath time, TV time and bed time. This way, you will feel you have more control of daily chores and your children will feel more secure in their surroundings.

10. Daddy needs a time-out too

~Making the decision to become a parent is momentous. It's to allow your heart to walk around outside your body forever~ — ~Making the decision to become a parent is momentous. It’s to allow your heart to walk around outside your body forever~

With all the madness of being a single dad, you are allowed to take some time for yourself without feeling guilty about it. Again, this is where your support system comes in. Have granny or a close friend babysit the children for an evening and go have a few ‘cold ones’ with the boys. This is very important, as it will help relieve the stress of daily challenges.

11. Balance

~Every father should remember that one day your son will follow your example and not your advice~

Although a strict routine is very important, make sure you balance it evenly with plenty of TLC. Take your children fishing or camping; it’s a great way for your family to escape reality, even if it’s just a day or two. Take at least an hour every evening to spend with your child – ask them how their day was, or read them their favourite story.

12. Always be honest with your child

~A dad is someone who holds you when you cry. Scolds you when you break the rules. Shines with pride when you succeed and has faith in you even when you fail~

Unfortunately, children ask questions we don’t always want to answer. They will want to know things about their current situation or about the missing other parent. Answer your childs questions in an open, honest, and age-appropriate way. Being honest helps your child understand and cope better with the situation.

Never be afraid to ask for help. You can’t handle everything on your own, and asking for help only proves you’re human. Give yourself a pat on the back and know that you are one amazing dad!

March 2, 2016

Zianne Leibrandt 4 minutes read