Ten Things Tuesday – What not to do in court

Tuesdays  are now 10 Things Tuesday.

It’s a chance to recap the funniest top ten things to do and not to do in certain situations.

This week is Top Ten things not to do in a courtroom.

Court can be an austere place and you do not have to be an accused, a witness or a plaintiff to be feel that austerity.

Should you have to go to Court to support a friend, family member or, sadly, defend yourself for some heinous crime like not paying your TV license, please take note of these handy tips on what NOT to do while in Court.

1.  Do not chew gum.  Magistrates get tetchy and see it as a sign of disrespect.

2.  Do not use your cellphone – not even a sneaky Whatsapp to your mate – the bailiff may chuck you out.  Those guys like to wield a bit of power and impress the lawyers.

3.  Do not eat.  Besides the fact the guy sitting next to you may want you to share with them, it also makes Magistrates glare.

4.  Do not try and chat up the lady next to you.  She could be stressed out – remember, after all she is also in Court.

5.  Do not read a newspaper or do the horses while in Court. The policeman may ask for tips.

6.  Do not sit down when the Magistrate walks in.  He may charge you for contempt.

7. Do not bring your poodle with you.  You could be charged for boring animals to death.

8.  Do not swear.  You could be swiftly charged with crimen injuria.

9.  Do not dress too flashy.  Prosecutors and Magistrates like their customers to be meek and mild.

10.  Do not wear slip slops.  The floors are sometimes not that clean.