‘Speak up, it helps’ – local woman share her story

A 30-year-old Cullinan woman has shared her journey on living with depression and encourages others to speak up to get help. After 10 suicide attempts, three rape incidents and an abusive relationship, Landelile Setati is calling on others who find themselves in a dark place, to speak up.

“I was raped at age 12, continuously for two years, by what most people would refer to as my first boyfriend,” she said. “To me having male friends was a norm as I grew up a tomboy, I didn’t understand half of the reality had happened to me.  “Mind control is a serious reality.

It was like a sick twisted movie where he got to treat me badly over and over again and threatened to get rid of my parents.” Setati said she went from being a brilliant learner who loved school to being a confused young girl who was no longer interested in performing at school. The mental trauma of not being able to talk to people led to her hurting herself with a syringe.

“I didn’t understand what was going on with me,” she said. To make things worse, she got raped again when she was 15 years old by someone who was asking her to be his girlfriend and could not take the rejection when she refused. “He held a butcher knife to my throat and said he didn’t mind going to prison for me,” she said. That was not the last of her ordeals. Two years later, two days before writing her school exam she was abducted and raped in Sunnyside. All this happened, while she endured a physically and emotionally abusive relationship.

Setati’s trauma triggered her mental illness. Her parents, who are both nurses, tried to get their daughter help, by taking her for therapy sessions. She was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 in 2010, but that diagnosis was recently changed by another doctor to major depression. “There are misconceptions about mental illnesses, that they are caused by bad genes, that people are just pretending, that they don’t exist or their just demons that can be prayed away,” she said.

 “Mental health problems can affect anyone at any point in their lives, no one is immune. “Two of my male friends committed suicide because society has preconceived stereotypes that men should not talk about their emotions because that would make them weak. More men are dying inside because of religious and cultural beliefs,” she said. Setati encouraged people, whatever their circumstances, to speak up and get help. She uses social media to dispel misconceptions and sometimes even offer to listen to others. “I believe that all people need is to genuinely be listened to without judgment, just sound objective input, because no one can fix anyone besides themselves,” she said.

“So you can just create a safe space for people to be around, while they embark on their healing journey.” She has also started counselling support groups for members of her community who felt comfortable to interact with her. Her passion to spread the word about mental illness has led her to study BA Health Sciences and Social Services doing her honours in counselling. The mother of two is currently part of a programme with the South African Depression and anxiety group (Sadag) where she is training to be a councillor.

“Mental health should be taken very seriously. We need to have balance and stability in our minds so we can live in harmony,” she said. Setati said she has reclaimed her life and wanted the same for others. “If you are going through emotional difficulties or know someone who is, please refer them to Sadag’s call centres are very helpful and toll free numbers, don’t suffer alone.”

Contacts you need to know:

South African Depression & Anxiety Group – Sadag 0800-12-13-14

Lifeline South Africa 0861-322-322

People Opposed to Woman Abuse (Powa) 083-765-1235

Gender-based Violence Line 0800-012-322

Mon-Ami trauma troops 073-653-4497

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