Scripture:

Genesis 2:24 “²⁴ Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”.

There are many reasons why a good marriage between two people who dearly love one another can end up in divorce. Sadly, one of the reasons is the interference of parents, family and friends.

A careful reading of Genesis 2:24 suggests that the parent-child relationship is a temporary one, whereas the husband-wife relationship is permanent. This is further supported by Matthew 19:4-6, where the Lord Jesus commands that no man should separate what God has joined together. The two passages of scripture teach that at some point in life, children will separate with their parents but at no point should a husband separate with his wife. In as much as the children must leave the parents, the parents must also let go of the children.

Marriage begins with a leaving of all relationships. When you say “I Do”, you become a new independent family; and your former families move to the extended family category. Dependence on parents must also be transferred to each other.

Couples must be aware that, there will always be consequence for failing to leave, such as jealousy, possessiveness and even resentment; and ultimately divorce.

What Leaving and Cleaving does not mean:

Leaving and cleaving should never amount to loss of respect, loss of thankfulness and loss of care for one’s parents. 1 Timothy 5:4 says “if any widow has children and grandchildren, let them learn to show piety at home and repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable to God”. They children and grandchildren may already have married and; left and cleft, yet they are obliged to take care of their parents when they can no longer take care of themselves.

Advise on how to better leave and cleave:

My advice is that couples should give priority, allegiance and loyalty to one another and not to their parents and siblings. Couples should always make decisions together and not with their parents. This does not mean that you should never seek advice from your parents or friends, it mean that the person you should consult first is your spouse. If you are to seek advice from anyone, you need to agree on the person from whom the advice will be sought. Couples should never involve their extended families in marital conflict except for cases where there is continuous abuse and infidelity. I say this because these are circumstances which require family support but not interference. In extreme cases, family intervention will be needed. Unfortunately some people cannot differentiate between interference and intervention. Lastly I would advise couples that their place of residence should be as far away from that of each other’s parents, if at all possible.

Prayer:

Father, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, I want to thank you for your grace upon our lives and our marriages. Lord I ask that you may help us to have a stronger bond of unity in our marriages and that you will not allow any weapon that is formed against our marriages to prosper. In the mighty name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Pastor T.L Mashiloane has been married for 20 years. He is the Presiding Pastor of two Full Gospel Church assemblies, City of Love & Restoration in Sasolburg and Faith Tabernacle in Viljoenskroon.

For further advice and counselling contact Pastor Mashiloane on 082 579 4595