Learning from loss

THIS WEEK, social media has been abuzz with pictures of proud parents taking their children back to school – some of them for the firt time.

While everyone is excited and eager to see their children learn, for some this is a painful reminder of the loss of a child. I tell you, no parent should ever have to go through the pain of losing their child, no matter what age they are.

One Monday morning, I was woken up by a message from a friend which read: “I have finally gathered enough strength and courage to share the tragedy that left me with an unbearable pain”. Immediately after that I took a long deep breath and read further.

“My dreams of being a mother were shattered, it’s been two years now and my life has changed completely. Today I would have been so excited to see my son going back to school, as I made sure that for eight years he had everything he needed”. This was from a young mother who lost her son whilst taking him back to boarding school.

“I stopped by an ATM and in less than 10 minutes, I saw my sister running towards the parking with bottled water and my son lying on the ground with foam coming out of his mouth.

“I rushed him to hospital and that was the longest five minutes of my life. Thirty minutes later his doctor said: “I’m sorry he didn’t make it.”

The young mother says she rushed back to where her child was lying and screamed, “You can’t leave me after what we have been through”, referring to an incident he had when he was still a toddler and spent three months in ICU after almost drowning in the pool at home.

Years have passed but the young mother says she has not gathered enough strength to unfold his wardrobe or open his school bag which was nicely packed with colorful stationery.

While reading her message, I could not contain my tears, as I remembered the accident which left my family and I in agony.

In September 2008, I received a call from a family friend who just said ‘I’m sorry about what happened’.

At the time I was on a school trip in Johannesburg, away from family. Before I could ask what she was talking about, told me my sister had passed away in a tragic accident. Immediately after hearing  those words, I collapsed. When I woke up in bed,  I hoped that this was all just a nightmare.

My mind was no longer there, as I packed my stuff and headed back home to the Eastern Cape.

It was the sight of a white candle, mouners sitting on a mattress and a plate filled with coins that reality hit me. She was gone and never coming back.

She was only sweet 16 and doing her matric, with dreams of being a pilot and we had so many plans together. Its been seven years now, and it still hurts but time makes the hurt easier to cope with.

I’ll tell you one thing though, the very same pain has brought us closer as a family and made us more appreciative of one another. My friend’s pain has given me hope and new strength, it has given me assurance that it’s okay to miss and grieve over your loved one.