After bearing years of abuse and torture both mentally and physically, an Umkomaas local from the mid-South Coast has taken the hard decision to share her story of abuse in hopes that it encourages other women to speak out on gender based violence.

The victim, who wishes to remain anonymous, said that her relationship with her abuser began like everyone else’s – with nothing but love and happiness.

After a few months of dating, the man proposed and the couple moved in together.

Little did the victim know that her lifelong partner suffered with alcoholism which lead to gambling and several other matters she soon found out about.

Shortly after moving in together, the woman noticed her partner drinking more than usual, driving while under the influence, gambling and not paying bills and he began verbally abusing her.

The woman tried to put a stop to his behaviour, and when she confronted her partner, he promised to change and explained that he had grown up in a lawless house which resulted in him having a bad childhood with no love or acceptance from his family.

After hearing this, the woman pitied her partner and gave him another chance. To her misfortune, nothing changed. Her partner’s behaviour worsened and he became violent.

“One day he had lost money a large amount of money gambling and he came home drunk, lost his temper, slapped me across the face and apologised the next day,” said the woman.

“This type of behaviour became a pattern for the next three years of my life.”

The woman was then forced to stop attending her place of worship. When her husband was drunk, he would forcefully have intercourse with her, torture her, throw food at her and even urinate and defecate anywhere in the house which she would then have to clean up.

“I would suffer most of the time in silence and whenever I would leave him, he would beg, stalk and follow me and promise to change to get me back,” she added.

The last straw came when the man attempted to literally dig the woman’s eyes out, which she described as the most traumatic experience of a life time.

“He strangled me, banged my head with his fists, my body black and blue and said I would only leave him in a coffin.”

After the incident, the woman contacted the Umkomaas Police Station, which she said acted promptly, and her abuser was arrested.

She was also able to get a protection order against him.

“Many people would question why I stayed with him for so long,” she said.

“It’s because he kept on saying sorry and that he would not repeat his ways, but it was always lies and there were times where I would have to even pepper spray him to get him off me.”

“Gender based violence is real, but I want other women to know that they do not have to suffer in silence because help is at hand only if they’re willing to speak up,” she said.

The woman stated that after speaking out and telling her story, she no longer feels trapped and is grateful to Women of Worth, Umkomaas Saps, Scottburgh Magistrate’s Court and its social worker for helping her break free from the abuse.

“I realised that my happiness and self-respect is more important than anything, and my dignity has been restored.”

“I feel more confident at work being a nursing assistant and I’m ready to help other women who have been through similar situations.”

“A woman should not be told what to wear, who to keep as company or feel like a prisoner at home.”

“Women have the right to say no to sexual intercourse and it is their body and not their boyfriend or husbands.”

“Ladies, don’t ignore the red flags, put yourself first and end the abuse, because help is always at hand.”

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