It is shocking and disturbing that in this day and age men and women fight more than you can imagine over issues relating to love. When one looks to love another, one assumes it will be the most caring and protective things that ever happens between two people.
Last year we lost a dedicated warrant officer who shot his girlfriend, his wife and his two sons before shooting himself. Shortly afterwards another police officer killed his girlfriend and himself. Two recent incidents include a policewoman around Port Shepstone killing her husband and mother-in-law and injuring a neighbour.
The more recent one was in Dudu where a policeman killed his girlfriend and himself. As a society we are decaying morally and therefore need to do something about it.
These killings do not just happen overnight and if we are serious about the fight against domestic violence, we need a realistic approach. When two people are in love, it is expected that neither of them sees someone else and once either of them strays, the broken trust destroys the relationship. This has far-reaching implications within societies and by definition is called cheating and cheating is the root cause.
The reality of the matter is that some men have multiple partners for different reasons, but the most serious problem is that some men cannot control themselves and are womanisers.
Some men engage in illicit relationships because they want extended families and want to eventually take other wives. The dilemma is the fact that most women do not get married to share their husbands and some men refuse to give up the desire to lead polygamous lives.
Some men go as far as trying to force the issue and label the wife a ‘stumbling block’. Once this happens, these men will do anything to eliminate the stumbling block. In the event of the wife eventually wanting to leave, the damage has been done and these men will see only one way out – to kill the wife.
The fact that some men want to practise polygamy poses unnecessary difficulties for women and many children will be raised by single mothers because the man will marry someone else.
There are more factors that need to be addressed by us as a society, especially if we love our families and the community-based lifestyle. I believe we need to look at the reality of what is really happening within communities which requires everyone’s involvement. The fight against abuse against women and children will not succeed as long as men shirk responsibilities.
Communities are not going to succeed if men don’t accept that some women and children will not accept and adjust to a ‘different’ lifestyle. Therefore we need seminars and talks to expose the truth, which will be go a long way towards assisting communities in building stronger families.
MUSA MSELEKU
Author ‘Life and Polygamy’
