Let the judge, judge

With the familiar story over the past two weeks still clear in everyone’s mind about a man who allegedly abused his wife and children for over 10 years, I suddenly doubt my own wounds.

Many people, with their own wounds safely locked away, have already labelled the man as a monster and whatever the outcome he is labelled for the rest of his life.

His poor 16-year-old daughter is said to be as sexually active.

The mother of the five children, is said to be a drunk or drug user.

Is this their judgement, sensation or gossip, or do they actually care about what is going to happen to the family?

On Tuesday it was alleged anyone who was aware of children and their suffering might stand for prosecution.

What gives the gossip and sensation a boost is the pornographic DVDs allegedly found in the main bedroom.

After being in court, magistrate Danita Oswell said, the family’s names are not to be published, yet the community already knew exactly who he is.

According to law, no man is guilty until proven guilty, therefore no photograph of him should be published, but yet, his photo and name was published all over social media.

I wonder, would they be so quick to share photos of their husband or family if they had done this to their children.

People will gossip behind your children’s back and we know exactly how cruel children can be.

For the rest of these children’s life’s they will be surrounded by people knowing all the detail of their ordeal.

But the question remains, if you would want the whole world to know.

When a victim of physical or sexual abuse, even rape, it may take years before they are fully rehabilitated.

A very dear friend of mine had to loose a child and a friend, before she was prepared to tell her story to a counsellor.

But it was only after she collapsed one day, almost 40 years later if not longer, that she got help.

After years of seeing psychologists and psychiatrists, sessions with them did give her consolation.

It was at one of her counselling sessions with a wonderful woman, that she realised it is time to get rid of the past and face the future.

Although she was also sexually molested and even raped as a child, she made the choice of not being a victim of her past.

How long will it take for this mother and her five children, to be fully healed from their pain even if there are physical scars to remind them of what happened.

We all live in glasshouses, so let’s see who throws the first stone.

Medical and other reports have to be done and brought before a court of law, another sad but necessary procedure.

The children are definitely the most vulnerable victims and whether the mother did or didn’t help them, she is a victim too.

She might have been too afraid to do anything but please her husband and to do exactly as he asked her to do.

Don’t we all try to protect our children, come what may.

I remember my oldest sister being locked up in her house, without any contact with her family or the outside world.

She was petrified of her husband and what he did to her children is not for me to tell.

But it was only after years of counselling and a brain operation (tumour removed due to the abuse), that she was able to share her heartache with us.

She said she was desperate, but yet incapable of helping her children, not to mention herself.

So who are we to judge, point fingers or decide what the mother of these five children was supposed to have done to help her children.

If you were in her shoes, what would you have done?

I know for sure that I would have tried to protect my children, but if I was a victim too, it changes the situation drastically.

Whether you have already made judgement think of the skeletons in your closet.

Joel Osteen once said “We all have wounds, but you can’t let that be an excuse to sit on the sideline. Sometimes in life we have to play in pain”.