It is time for Valentine’s Day again, a day I think is totally overrated.
I ask each year why should you have one day in the year to remind you to say I love you to your loved one?
And adding to this buy him or her expensive flowers and gifts.
I believe you have to show your affection and tell your loved one you love him or her each day of the year.
I also believe in each couple making memories the way they choose to.
My belief in Valentine’s Day was revolutionized when I read Dr Gary Chapman’s book on the five love languages.
He says people feel loved by either receiving words of affirmation, or acts of service, or receiving gifts, or quality time or physical touch.
Your primary love language of giving and receiving love, according Chapman, is determined among others by how you experienced love in your childhood.
He says in his book that if someone does not receive love in their primary love language, his or her “love tank” will run dry.
The dilemma in many relationships is that each partner’s love languages may differ.
This is where the challenge lies of giving the “correct” love, as perceived by your partner.
In the light of Chapman’s love languages, I will give couples some advice to follow their own traditions and make new memories that have meaning.
If your partner feels loved when receiving gifts, give the teddy bear or chocolates or flowers.
Find out what your partner loves to receive the most and (if possible) give that.
The love tank also fills up quickly if this gift is a surprise.
For a partner that needs words of affirmation, tell him or her how much you love them or send a sms,watsapp or if you are old fashioned give a card.
This partner wants to hear about your love for and worth to him.
To tell the love story of quality time to your partner is easier than you think.
You can go out for dinner to talk to each other in a quiet corner, but if not possible put off your phone, close the computer, and put away your tablet and spend some time with your partner.
The partner that needs touch can go out or stay at home, or be surprised, but that love tank will be filled with touch as simple as holding hands.
Lastly, there are acts of service.
A partner’s love tank will be filled even if you do something as small as making her coffee or run her bath water or running some errands for her that will save her time and effort.
I think with a little bit innovation, each day can be Valentine’s Day and more people will be happy in their relationships.
Please email your views on Valentine’s Day to annalier@caxton.co.za, I would love to hear what you think.
