Our tradition still matters

As an older girl in my family holding the position known as kgadiekgolo, I recently had the opportunity to sit through my older brother’s lobola negotiations in Rustenburg.

As the kgadiekgolo, my responsibilities include, among others, naming the children in the family.

You see in my family, the new baby inherits a name from our forefathers and as a kgadiekgolo I need to understand the hierarchy very well to ensure that each child has the right name.

I am also expected to be part of the delegation to negotiate lobola, important decisions to be taken within the family even step in instances when there are major disagreements between my siblings, even in their own homes.

I could not sleep the whole night because I was anxious about representing my family in the best way possible. Those who know me, have a sense that I am highly opinionated, and to some, this may come across as being disrespectful.

You see, I was raised in a traditional family where young people, especially women, don’t have a voice, and to question the elders can be seen as being disrespectful.

Another issue is that I didn’t really have a greater understanding of what my contribution ought to during the negotiations since I have spent all my life in the township, and not in a rural setting.

As part of the preparations the night before, the elders advised me that I don’t have to say much but to follow their lead and agree with whatever decisions they take.

Also, I am a feminist and believe in equality for both men and women so I had to condition myself as hard to be on my best behaviour.

I prayed so hard to be able to control my tongue and facial expressions because they often have a mind of their own and end-up disappointing me.

More than anything, I was more anxious about meeting my nephew for the first time.

Yes, we were blessed with a handsome bundle of joy in July this year and because of the distance between Hammanskraal and Rustenburg we could not visit him earlier.

Through the help of modern technology, we were part of his journey of growing up with his mother sending us his pictures and videos daily.

Let me tell you this, I have never seen anything more beautiful like my nephew.

I can proudly report back to you that even though I failed dismally to hold my tongue back, I was able to contribute positively towards the negotiations.

I still hold the belief that the groom’s family gets charged exorbitant amounts of money, and through the years young people will see no point but to defy their culture and opt to get married at the home affairs where they are charged not more than R100 to be certified as a married couple.

All in all, I must say I am now armed with the skills and knowledge of what is expected of me in such events.