There is hope for the abused

Am I really in an abusive relationship?

This is a question ToughLove Benoni facilitator Chantal Grotto is asking people to ask themselves.

“Domestic abuse is described when one intimate partner tries to establish power and control over the other partner through fear and intimidation,” she explained.

“No person has any right to hurt another person in any manner or form.

“Critically, if you are involved in what aligns to this article there is hope and direction to getting to a safer and healthier space.

“Are you facing any threatening, abusive or violent behaviour in the home, including between adult children and other adult family members?

“Violence against anyone is a human rights violation that takes place every single day around the world. So many abused victims have taken the silent route for fear of their lives or for fear that their plight may get lost in the system.”

What are some common signs of abuse?
• The abuser keeps track of everything you do. They monitor where you are and whom you are with at all times. They prevent or discourage you from seeing friends, family or going to work or school.
• The abuser insists you reply right away to their texts, emails and calls, and demands to know your passwords to social media sites, email and other accounts.
• An abusive person may act jealous, including constantly accusing you of cheating.
• They may be demeaning. They may put you down by insulting your appearance, intelligence or interests.
Here is guidance on how to find safety and support:
• Consider sharing your concerns with a trusted friend, family member or neighbor.
• Develop an escape strategy, such as saying you need to go to the pharmacy or grocery store and, once there, asking to use the phone to call for help.
• If possible, keep a telephone always charged and accessible and know which numbers to call for help: a friend, a family member or the police.
• Try to identify patterns the abusers use and level of violence. This can help you to predict when abuse may escalate.
• Keep a diary – document behaviour and patterns including dates, times and details.

If you are concerned about a friend who may be experiencing domestic violence or abuse, help them find safety and support:
• Stay in touch and be creative. Avoid making the abuser suspicious so communication lines can stay open.
• Ask your friend how they prefer to connect. It is important to establish a safe communication channel.
• Be supportive and believe them. Reassure them that they are not alone and that help and support are available.
• Respect their right to consent. Unless you strongly believe your friend’s life is in danger, avoid taking action without their consent.

Join a support group – being a part of a support group affords you a safe place to share your challenges where you are guided and offered love and care, email toughlovebenoni@gmail.com or call Grotto on 082 372 3039 for more information.

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