Danny Painter speaks out on grief and the holidays
“So many of us are grieving this December and I think it’s just about making it special for you, your family and the person on the other side.”
After the loss of her husband of 17 years, radio and television personality Danny Painter is facing the holidays with a different mindset, and perhaps you can too.
Philip Painter died from a heart attack on September 19 at home with Danny. The Brakpan-based media personality took some time off work and has tried to rebuild her life and find her ‘new normal’.
She has been vulnerable and authentic about her journey on social media and has created a community for those grieving in a graceful and supportive way. Danny states she has had good and bad days over the last few months.
“I have no idea how it’s been so long and yet so short. I have no idea where I’ve been during these last few weeks since he left,” she said.
“Some days have been good, others I haven’t gotten out of bed. But I’m okay. I’ve moved, I’m in the middle of renovating my new place and the dogs and I are still alive, so that’s good.
“I have the most incredible support and love from so many different people, I am truly blessed.”
Danny explains she has learned many lessons during this time.
“The biggest one is to feel. No matter how scary or deep it feels, you need to feel it. The only way out is through and if that’s crying hysterically or throwing a coffee mug, feel it,” she said.
“The second one I think is one that most people grieving learn – life is exceptionally short. We are all on borrowed time and you need to live. On the days you can get out of bed, go and live.
“And the last one is to lean into your practices, whether that’s prayer, meditation or gym. Self-care is vitally important, you need to give yourself grace, time and take care of you.”
Danny fondly recalls how she and Philip would spend Christmas together.
“It was the best. Phil was an incredibly generous human and over and above the festivities, he would shower me and the dogs with gifts,” she said.
“It was a big deal for him, spoiling us. Christmas holidays were the most time we would spend together in the year, having such different schedules and massive workloads.
“We had a tradition of staying home all holiday, waking up on Christmas morning and pouring mimosas, opening prezzies and then I would cook a full turkey dinner with home-made Yorkies (Yorkshire puddings), all the sides.
“Phil was British and it gave me such joy to do that for him. The rest of the day would be spent swimming with the dogs, listening to music and just spending time together.”
Danny realises that this Christmas, her first without Philip, is going to be difficult.
“I spent the last few weeks processing it and thinking I would just not do anything but I think that may make it worse, so I am going to change it completely,” she said.
“We are having a big Christmas Eve dinner with family and friends, presents and lots of wine. Christmas Day I will be celebrating, with mimosas, with my friends overseas on Discord.
“I think it’s about making it different but special, re-framing it. I’m still not sure about putting up a tree and lights but I know he would want me to, so maybe.
“So many of us are grieving this December and I think it’s just about making it special for you, your family and the person on the other side.”
For others grieving during this time, Danny advises, “Give yourself grace. It’s hard and can be incredibly dark.
“Just getting up and brushing your teeth is enough. It’s okay to cry and okay to be miserable. It’s okay to be angry and its okay to be numb.
“But it’s also okay to be happy and in those moments the guilt will come, allow it to pass.
“You deserve to smile this holiday season. And if you can, make yourself something nice to eat. Try a new recipe. Pour something nice to drink and raise a glass for your person or people in heaven, because they’re with you.
“You will get through, just like you got through the last few weeks, months and years. You’ve got this. And you are not alone.”
Danny hosts the popular ‘Love Songs with Danny Painter’ on Jacaranda FM weeknights from 19:00 to 22:00, as well as the CTM Top 40 every Saturday from 10:00 to 14:00.
