Teaching Dale how to win friends and lose his avos

AMERICAN writer and lecturer, Dale Carnegie, launched an empire with his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, published in 1936.

His self improvement lectures and books were a huge hit with a public keen to acquire the self confidence to address an audience.

But success didn’t come easily to Carnegie, who was born to impoverished farmer parents in Missouri in 1888.

Years of study and hard work had little effect and he ended up unemployed and almost penniless; that was until he began to teach public speaking. His books and courses are still popular today.

It seems that hard work does pay off in the end but I could have saved Dale all that trouble and shown him how to win friends, with one simple tip.

One easy trick to have new friends queuing at the gate, all sunshine and light. Plant an avocado tree.

Plant it close enough to the road so that the glowing green orbs can be seen by passers by.

Dale would have been surprised at how popular he would become and how total strangers would suddenly be clamouring to be his friends.

The interesting thing about this sudden rise in popularity is that few, if any, people ask outright if they may have some avos.

They use a round about route designed to corner me in to offering some luscious pears, but I’ve been around too long to fall for that tactic.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to share, and I do, with neighbours, family, friends, domestic staff and colleagues. And don’t forget the monkeys. I simply don’t like subterfuge and manipulation.

The avo hungry come in various guises; the solicitous, the brazen and the inquisitive.

The solicitous arrive to inquire about my health and if I am in need of any assistance and then as a side issue add a bit about “lot’s of avos, Hey”. Yes indeed. Lots.

Then there was the man who arrived one Sunday morning. He must be new to the neighbourhood because I have never seen him before. He wanted to know if I picked my avos. Yes, I do, I assured him.

He failed to hear this comment and regaled me with a story about going for a walk with his wife, that’s after telling me not to be alarmed by his presence. I am alarmed. Very. He just needed to know if I picked my avos.

“We picked up two on your verge, big ones, and I just want to know if you pick them. I said to my wife, maybe they don’t pick them.” Yes I pick them.

“But there’s so many!”Yes, there are. Irritating little fish I was. I did not take the bait.

“Well god bless you”, he said and off he went.

Now if he had asked if he may pick a few avos I would have said, with pleasure, but please come back when my son is here to help you because I do not invite strangers into my garden.

I would also have told him that avos ripen after they are picked and if you pick dozens at once they will all ripen at the same time and even I and my grandson cannot eat that much guacamole. And that is the reason why there are avos on the tree. The delicious delights are picked when needed.

Then there are other people who pace up and down my verge with determination, whistling to attracts my attention. Now my Mama taught me not to respond to boys who whistled at me and these old boys are getting the benefit of Mama’s wisdom. How rude!

I know that when the avos are finished so will be my fair weather friendships until next year when this God-given bounty tantalises over the garden fence.