Claire Warneke
2 minute read
12 Sep 2017
9:46 pm

When life’s got you feeling like an ass

Claire Warneke

Life-changing decisions, the ones make you count sheep and drink whiskey at 3AM, the ones that could turn your life around, or upside down.

Image: 123RF Stock Photo

Much to my dismay “adulting” seems to be littered with these kinds of decisions.

Have you ever been dissatisfied with where you are in life? But making a change seems more daunting than dealing with the status quo?

I’m the kind of person that needs “change” to grab me by the ponytail and throw me off a cliff

I need to be left with literally no other option. I don’t like change. I don’t like dealing with uncertainty. Most of the time I’d rather “deal with the devil I know than the one I don’t.”

There’s a philosophical story about a hungry donkey that is placed equidistant from two bales of hay. According to the philosophical paradox, the donkey will always go to whichever food is closer. Since he’s in the middle, he can’t decide which way to go, so the poor ass dies of hunger…

Sometimes I feel like that ass.

I feel like I’m stagnating.

I feel like there are almost too many potential options pulling me in different directions, and instead of making a choice, I sit around hoping that things will change on their own. Or that I’ll magically become smarter, happier, prettier, win the Lotto, or find myself waking up on a tropical island, realising that “life” was just a crazy dream and I can go back to sipping cocktails and swimming with dolphins.

Sadly, none of that has happened.

And here I am, wondering how I’m ever going to achieve anything in life. Or at least make it to Friday without feeling like too much of an ass.

I feel like we should be able to rent “life choice” cheerleaders…

The same way we pay a personal trainer to “motivate” us at gym.

We should be able to hire a really hot (fireman type) cheerleader who shouts encouraging things at us and feeds us chocolate until we hit ‘send’ on that job application, or write that blog, or leave that abusive relationship, or stand up to our boss, or have that awkward conversation, or register that company, or hold an art exhibition, or apply for further studies…


A time-machine could also help. So we could take a peek at the consequences of our choices before it’s too late.

But until Marty McFly comes round in his DeLorean, I guess it’s up to us to be unicorns or asses.


Tough choices suck. But so does ‘dying of hunger’.

So I guess “adulting” is about just picking a bale of hay and making the most of it… #LetsBeUnicorns


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