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By Hein Kaiser


Have a foot fetish or other kink? Here’s how to get your partner on board

Fetishes and a bit of kink are no longer as taboo as they once were, said an expert.

The 21st century is fast becoming the century of sexual wellness and individual awakening. 2023, say commentators, may well be the beginning of a new sensual revolution.

And sensuality is slowly replacing blatant sexuality as society continues to veer toward self-discovery and pleasure, leaving simply chasing orgasms as a pursuit of stone age sex.

Part of this major shift is the unfolding of a fetish narrative, almost a personalisation of sex and sensuality through the discovery of what we like and what gets us off, as individuals.

Relationship and Intimacy Coach Tracy Ziman-Jacobs of Totally Me said that fetishes can be a part of sexual intimacy and continues to play a growing role in relationships.

Fetishes explained

A fetish is a sexual attraction to an object or body part, and it can range from toes and earlobes to fabrics and dressing up.

Foot, heel and leg, or toe fetishes are the most known, but people can have an attraction to a variety of body parts, textures and inanimate objects.

While fetishes used to be considered taboo, Ziman-Jacobs says there is now a growing sense of awareness around fetishes and kinks, as people are becoming more open about their desires. She notes that there are a growing number of clubs and groups dedicated to fetishes, where individuals can be anonymous and find a community of like-minded individuals.

ALSO READ: The Power of Sexual Pleasure

But within the boundaries of a relationship, pushing the envelope can become challenging.

How to handle a fetish in your relationship

Tracy stresses the importance of open communication between partners when it comes to fetishes and kinks, as they can become problematic if one partner doesn’t understand or agree with the other’s desires. She said that continuous conversation is important and at the same time, to red flag it when living out fetish fantasies become the only way a partner can become turned on or perform in bed.

“Talking about what you want and need from a partner, your deepest desires and wanton fantasies is the key to get them realised, but without balance and discourse, it becomes one-sided and can impact a relationship negatively.”

Fetishes no longer live on the extremes of intimacy, but there are several other, pleasure driven activities that may or may not lead to penetrative sex, said Tracy, again with an emphasis on pleasure rather than simply chasing an end goal.

Other forms of sexual intimacy include blindfolds, role play, sexy texting, skinny dipping, and flogging. Tracy said: “These activities can add an element of excitement and fantasy to a relationship, but it is important to make sure both partners are comfortable and consenting.

Sexual intimacy in your relationship

In conclusion, sexual intimacy is an important aspect of relationships and can come in many forms, including fetishes and anal sex. “It is important to have open and honest communication with your partner to ensure both partners are comfortable and consenting in any sexual activities,” says Tracy.

Anal sex is another form of sexual intimacy that has become more popular in recent years. While it used to be burdened with negative connotations, it can now be enjoyed between a variety of partners with proper communication and education. It’s become in-vogue, and both men and women, Tracy said, are becoming more open to the notion of penetration beyond vaginal or oral sex. However, she said: “Anal sex requires a slow process between partners, and lots of lubrication, and open communication considering that it’s a highly sensitive area of the body.”

“Ultimately,” she says, that “pleasure, rather than orgasm, should be the focus in sexual intimacy, and that fetishes and kinks are a normal and acceptable part of sexuality as long as they are negotiated between partners and do not become a hindrance to the relationship”.

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