Naturally, I had the shock of my life when I answered the `phone as I always do with a happy “Hello, Geoffrey here.” The voice at the other end sounded regal enough to this old man and was further verified by answering with: “Elizabeth here Geoffrey.”
I almost fell off my chair. In a flash, my mind saw Her Majesty the Queen sitting there on her throne. Her crown tilted at a jaunty angle, and a faint smile on her lips. Clamped to her left ear-hole was a solid gold telephone handset.
In that split second, my military history came to mind. The hours I spent in the queue waiting to go to the loo. The four years overseas that I spent in Burma, my being promoted to Corporal. The medal ribbons that were
pinned on my chest. The hundreds of pints of N.A.A.F.I. beer I had consumed, and my natty de-mob suit with its green pork pie hat (that I never wore.) Then flashing back to the present, I remembered I had clean underpants on and that I had shaved earlier in the day. Yep! With her Majesty the Queen on the line, all was rosy with my world. “Elizabeth?’ I enquired enthusiastically.
“Yes,” she replied.
“The..the….Queen?”
“No, you idiot….Elizabeth from our Bowling Club.”
I admit it was a bit of a let down. On the other hand, nearing the century mark that I have lived, and expecting that special message of congratulations coming from the Queen herself, I am well prepared for the event, if and when the time arrives.
