Relief that there is finally an explanation. Grief for the ease you imagined school or daily life might have had. Fear of labels, stigma and the unknown. And, quietly beneath it all, hope that now you can help your child more effectively.

I have walked this journey alongside many families and I have also lived it personally in different ways — as a parent, a practitioner and a witness to countless kitchen-table conversations filled with exhaustion and love. What I have learned is this: diagnosis is not the destination. It is the doorway.

Stage one: Before the diagnosis – “something isn’t right”

Most parents do not seek an assessment lightly. There is often a long period of self-doubt beforehand. You may have wondered whether you were overreacting, whether it was “just a phase” or whether better discipline would fix things. Teachers may have raised concerns — or dismissed them. Family members may have offered well-meaning but painful advice.

Parents often tell me, “I knew something was different, but I could not put my finger on it.” That intuition matters. You know your child better than anyone else.

Stage two: The diagnosis – relief and grief side by side

Diagnosis can feel validating. Finally, there is language for what you have been seeing. But it can also feel heavy. Labels carry weight and many parents quietly grieve the loss of an imagined future — not because their child is less capable, but because the road ahead suddenly looks more complicated.

It is important to say this clearly: your child did not change when they received a diagnosis. What changed is your understanding. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up. There is no “right” reaction.

Stage three: Information overload and decision fatigue

After diagnosis, parents are often flooded with information: therapies, accommodations, medication debates, school meetings and online forums. This stage can be overwhelming. I’ve seen parents lose confidence in their instincts because every article seems to contradict the last.

One parent once said to me, “I just want someone to tell me I am not going to ruin my child by making the wrong choice.” That fear is common, and understandable.

At this stage, the most important thing is to slow down. You do not have to do everything at once. Support can be layered over time. There is room to review, adjust and change course.

Stage four: Reframing your child and yourself

This is a turning point. Parents begin to move from “What is wrong?” to “How does my child work?” This shift is powerful.

You may start noticing strengths you previously overlooked: creativity, persistence, humour, sensitivity and curiosity. You may also notice how much energy you have spent managing behaviour instead of understanding it.

Many parents also reflect on themselves during this stage. It’s not uncommon to recognise familiar patterns in your own childhood or adult life. This can bring clarity and compassion for both yourself and your child.

Stage five: Advocacy and partnership

As confidence grows, parents often become strong advocates. School meetings feel less intimidating. Questions become more specific. Conversations shift from “problems” to “supports.”

Thriving does not mean challenges disappear. It means you have tools, language and allies. It means setbacks do not feel like failures but signals that something needs adjusting. I have seen children flourish when parents and schools work together with curiosity rather than blame.

Stage six: Thriving redefined

Thriving does not mean perfect behaviour, straight A’s or a life free of struggle. Thriving means your child feels understood. It means they know their brain is different, not broken. It means home feels safe, even on hard days.

One parent recently said, “We still have tough moments, but we are no longer fighting each other.” That is thriving.

A final word to parents

If you are early in this journey, please know this: you are not behind and you are not failing. This path is not linear. Some days you will feel strong and informed; other days you will feel tired and unsure.

But with understanding, support and compassion, for your child and for yourself, it is absolutely possible to move from diagnosis to thriving.

And one day, often quietly, you may look back and realise how far you have both come. For additional resources, visit www.bellavista.org.za

For more on kids, visit Get It Magazine.