The start of a new school year can spark excitement – but also anxiety – for children and teens. While academic readiness is important, experts emphasise that emotional health, coping skills, social confidence and safe digital habits are equally crucial.

With guidance from parenting specialists, mental health professionals and cyber wellness experts, parents can help their children start the year with confidence, resilience, and a positive outlook.

How children of different ages perceive effort and setbacks

Ansa Lange, a certified life coach and parenting specialist, explains that children’s reactions to effort and challenges change as they grow:

Ages 3–6 (foundation phase): Young learners often see effort as an outcome. If a task feels hard, they may assume they’re ‘bad at it’. Lange advises frequent reassurance that struggling is normal and learning requires practice.

Ages 7–10 (junior primary): Children start comparing themselves to peers and may view ability as fixed. Focusing praise on strategies, persistence and problem-solving helps them understand that effort develops skills.

Ages 11–13 (tweens): Sensitive to peer judgement, tweens may hide effort to avoid ‘looking stupid’. Parents can help by framing mistakes as normal steps toward mastery and encouraging reflection on what works and what doesn’t.

Ages 14–18 (teens): Teens often tie self-worth to performance. Lange recommends reminding them that resilience, consistent habits and learning from setbacks matter more than immediate success. Giving them space to take ownership of their learning supports independence and confidence.

5 growth-mindset phrases to use when children face challenges

Lange suggests parents use these practical phrases to nurture perseverance and resilience:

1. “What did you try, and what could you try next?” – shifts focus to problem-solving.
2. “Your brain grows when you work through challenges like this.” – normalises effort as progress.
3. “Let’s look at what you can control – your effort, strategy and practice.” – encourages agency.
4. “Mistakes show us what we still need to learn.” – reframes errors as learning opportunities.
5. “I’m proud of the effort you put in – what’s one small step you want to take next?” – praises process over outcome.

X-factors for long-term success

“Children are more than their report card or CV,” says Nikki Bush, a human potential and parenting expert. “There are X-factors for success that parents and educators can help develop over time.”

Bush’s 5 essential skills:

• Creativity and innovation: Encourage moments when children think outside the box or solve problems in new ways. Record these stories – even from school projects – as future talking points.
• A love for learning: Explore their interests beyond the classroom. Ask what they are reading, watching or listening to, showing curiosity for lifelong learning.
• Resilience: Guide children to reflect: “What have I learnt, and what will I do differently next time?”
• Ability to relate to others: Social skills matter. Team sports, group projects and collaborative activities teach empathy and cooperation.
• Leveraging technology: Encourage children to use digital tools thoughtfully. Ask: “How could I ask this differently to get a better result?”

Responsible digital citizenship: 5 rules for the school year

Rianette Leibowitz, a digital parenting and cyber safety expert, advises setting clear guidelines for children’s online engagement:

1. Digital habits: Model healthy screen use yourself. Turn off distracting notifications and monitor time-wasting apps.
2. Responsible clicks: Teach children that every online action has consequences. Encourage them to think before they post, like or share.
3. Right to safety: Use parental controls to shield children from harmful content and ensure safe browsing.
4. Curate connections: Help children follow positive, educational and uplifting content; unfollow harmful accounts.
5. Travel safely online: Discuss scams, cyberbullying and inappropriate requests. Children should know to seek trusted adults immediately.

Mental health check-ins

Cassey Chambers, the operations director at The South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag), stresses the importance of daily check-ins:

• Rate feelings 1–10 or choose an emoji to describe mood.
• Ask questions like, “What made you happy today?” or “What worried you most?”
• Encourage play or creative activities to express emotions.
• Offer reassurance: “I’m here for you,” or “You are not alone.”

Tips for parents: Keep conversations casual during meals, walks or playtime. Create a ‘go-to’ list of activities to lift your child’s mood. Seek professional support if regular check-ins indicate persistent distress.

Checklist for happy, healthy learners

• Sleep: Primary learners need nine hours; teens require eight.
• Balance: Mix study with physical activity and play.
• Diet: Nutritious meals fuel bodies and brains.
• Attitude: Encourage resilience, patience and learning from mistakes.
• Communication: Talk regularly but avoid interrogating.
• Expectations: Aim for progress, not perfection.

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