“If we were what we eat, I could be you in the morning,” sounds better than a diet and suits my warped mind now in my life to a tee.
I can look at the other flip cards on the wire stand next to my laptop, but I choose not to. It’s two men’s thinking– Ed Polish and Darren Wotz – a book store gave me at an exorbitant price decades ago but once a month, I still flip one of the 52 pages over, despite their cartoon pictures and surnames I know is a joke.
But let’s flip through the cards: last month I had “Please don’t interrupt me while I’m busy ignoring you”.
Or how about addressing my hot flushes as “short vacations in the tropics”? Or “Welcome suburbia, where they tore down all trees and name streets after them”?
A personal favourite? “Jesus is coming, look busy.” Bumper stickers, all of them – and the new generation won’t even know what I’m talking about.
This new “older” generation has already unknowingly dated themselves with stick figures on their car’s back window not long ago, telling criminals they’re single (mostly) with no dogs but a cat.
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How we grasp at clever words and – not emojis, I believe – memojis nowadays.
We’re a human kind of throw-away lines and popcorn philosophies. I see you on social media with your bowl, waiting for the drama to unfold.
In fact, you tell me straight out that’s what you’re doing. I’d like to think life is not a slogan. It’s richer; nuanced. And with experience – ugh, read just knowing – we quote it carefully.
Not as glibly as “I found Jesus, he was behind the sofa the whole time”; or “Once I thought I was a slut, then I realised I was acting like a man” – and does that open discussion…
I know sayings like “If things improve with age, I’m near perfect” is hanging from a bull’s balls ready to be squeezed.
Because just when you think you have life pat, you squeeze – and it storms you.
Well, I like my men super rich and almost dead. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.