Ben Trovato
6 minute read
27 Nov 2019
6:25 am

A guide to surviving the mayhem of Black Friday

Ben Trovato

If it’s sanctuary you’re after, you are safer in a crack house than a mall at this time of year.

It’s that time of year when we all turn into gibbering idiots and experts take it upon themselves to advise us on the blindingly obvious. In the event of a thunderstorm, avoid standing in an open field waving a golf club at the sky while wearing a tinfoil hat. The annual plummeting of the national IQ is exacerbated by Black Friday, a day upon which pornographic greed and an overwhelming fear of missing out come together and cause people to spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need. Here’s how one news story started the week. “With Black...