We can all crucify Donald Trump now

Last week Ireland was shut down. Protesters, mainly from the farming and road haulage sectors, blocked streets, highways, ports and fuel depots with their trucks and tractors, furious at the rise of costs because of skyrocketing fuel prices, and demanding – well, what they were demanding changed in the week.

On Tuesday, they wanted to meet the government or the tractors would stay. By Friday, their red lines were the abolition of the carbon tax (an environmental tax based on how much carbon dioxide fuel releases when burned) and a cap on the price of low-cost agricultural diesel, which is reserved for farming and generally called green diesel because it’s dyed green to differentiate it from pricier “road” diesel (not because it’s ecofriendly).

“We have the country by the balls,” was the quotable quote as pumps ran dry, commuters were stuck for hours in their cars and people disembarked taxis to hike down the motorway to the airport.

I still don’t understand why they were blockading O’Connell Street though, instead of the US embassy.

It’s not the Irish, or South African, government that’s responsible for these dramatic fuel hikes: it’s Donald Trump. He has the world by the balls.

“America doesn’t just compete, we DOMINATE,” he posted as Artemis II left to fly around the moon, but all I could think was what a lot of rocket fuel it was using.

Look at how much petrol costs right now – €1.91 (R76.73) for me – thanks to his ill-conceived, ill-prepared, illegal war on Iran and how absolutely everything is going to get scarcer and more expensive, decimating the poorest first.

The only winner is Russia. Because of him.

Blockade that, dude. Protest him. But I don’t think he’ll notice because he’s already back bellyaching about Greenland, undermining Europe, promising mass pardons and attending a White House Easter lunch, nodding beatifically behind his spiritual advisor, the bling-blinded Paula White-Cain (that name… sometimes the jokes write themselves), while she compared him to penniless, homeless Jesus with his message of peace, charity and love.

“No one has paid the price like you,” she told Trump. “You were betrayed and arrested and falsely accused… Sir, because of His resurrection, you rose up… you were victorious.”

So now we can only await the crucifixion.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.