Two Bits

I’m finally going to say what I’ve been thinking for some time – Facebook has become boring.
What started out as a bit of fun, a novel way of catching up with some old friends and keeping up with new ones, has turned into a bizarre and totally uninspiring experience. I used to log in every day, perhaps a few times even, to see what was happening.
Now a week will go by before the message “You have 38 new notifications” intrigues me enough to have a peek. Then I open it and I’m disappointed and bored.
If someone had an interesting opinion, I would enjoy reading it. As a substitute for original thought, people insist on passing on the most inane videos headlined YOU”VE GOT TO SEE THIS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING . . . !!! about a cat chasing a dog or a baby polar bear spoonfeeding an octopus, or something. All the videos are from the other side of the world, are in Greek or Latvian and might evoke a faint smile or curl of the lip, but are never as funny/amazing/incredible as they’re made out to be. This morning I received a video about cleaning a toilet bowl with vinegar. How revolutionary.
Selfies have got to be the most unflattering, stupid addiction that ever cursed man. Well, women, really, because they’ve got to take pictures of their misshapen chins at every conceivable opportunity. They don’t look like that in real life, seriously, because all the ladies I’m lucky to have as friends are good looking. But they insist on showing the world their impersonation of Popeye the Sailorman three times a week and I got to tell you, honeys, you don’t look so hot. For goodness sake, go to a decent photographer and post that pic on the internet for all to see, for eternity.
I’ve searched in vain for interesting groups. There is a Kruger Park group that has some decent photos and discussions. I found one for my old hometown that was interesting for a while, then it has just gone into a loop of repetition about “Do you remember when . . .” and “It doesn’t look like that anymore…” Ditto for another group run by a bunch of journalists I used to know, worked with some, who now squabble over grammatical errors and mourn the state of today’s media (“It wasn’t like that in our day, oh no . . .”). I’d hate to live in that old age home!
Facebook is also being killed by political correctness. That’s probably true of all media to some extent, but the trolls who lurk in the shadows, ready to pounce on every statement, intentional or not, have ruined any kind of interesting social discussion. Everyone’s terrified of saying something that will make them the target of a faceless, nameless hanging mob and make the front page of the Sunday Times.
Maybe I’m old fashioned, or even a GOM (grumpy old man), but I prefer to relate to my friends face to face, not face to book, or call them up for a chat the personal way. Much more rewarding, wouldn’t you agree?

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There are some great jokes on Hlaudi Motsoeneng of SABC fame going around at the moment. Of course you could just quote him and that would be funny enough. Here are some facts on Hlaudi Motsoeneng:
1. When he was 10, Hlaudi decided to live by himself. And his parents just moved to another house.
2. One day Hlaudi did a test in a lie detector machine. The machine confessed everything.
3. When Hlaudi was young, his parents used to sleep on his bed when they were scared.
4. One day Hlaudi went through a red robot and when Metro police stopped him, Hlaudi gave THEM a ticket.
6. Hlaudi never lies. The truth is what is wrong.
7. Once Hlaudi missed two days of school. Later on, these days were called Saturday and Sunday.
8. One day Hlaudi arrived late at school. The other students were penalised because they arrived too early.
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And one for the Ryder Cup. A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, “You are spectacular; your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What’s your secret?”
Mickelson replied, “The holes are numbered.”