What is the matter with Mary Jane?

She’s crying with all her might and main,

And she won’t eat her dinner – rice pudding again –

What is the matter with Mary Jane?

I have always loved this famous poem by AA Milne titled ‘Rice Pudding’.

Now that I have my own children, however, the lived experience can be less than endearing. Getting up on the ‘wrong side of bed’ in our house is much the same as being served ‘the wrong sort of breakfast’.

Which is exactly how our Heritage Day holiday began… and continued long after breakfast! After an hour or two of huffing, puffing, stomping and chomping, I gave up trying to play a game with my second-born. (Apparently, it’s impossible to eat oats for breakfast and remain even remotely pleasant.) Having cycled through every “parenting guru” Instagram hack I had stashed for just such an occasion and watched them fail spectacularly – I finally lost patience and turned on the television. Sometimes it’s better to admit defeat instead of battering your head against a wall for hours. Admittedly I should have recognised the signs earlier but I possess a foolish mixture of loathing for screens and being stubbornly adamant that I will feed my offspring nutritious (and apparently revolting…) meals at least every other day.

It wasn’t quite how I had pictured my public holiday. A cosy rainy day spent playing cheerful indoor games with my three offspring had more of a rosy glow to it in my imagination.

But the day wasn’t entirely lost. I redeemed myself by making crumpets and my son – now reset by his favourite programme ’72 Dangerous Animals’ (while I showered and practiced deep breathing) – was an excellent crumpet flipper. The toddler only managed to steal two crumpets off the plate before we were done and miraculously no one touched the hot pan. The eldest only helped with the eating but he was very enthusiastic. We scoffed the lot in about 30 seconds but at least they were slathered in honey (points for nutritional value here please).

A braai was the perfect way to round things off. Thank you, Food Lovers, for 50% off Camembert – we feasted properly. My kids devoured the cheese like a pack of wild dogs at a kill. It’s not a pretty sight but at least they ate without a complaint. I did add a wretched butternut slice and half a bleeding beetroot to everyone’s plate (Mom!!!) but hey, it brought balance to the day and bookmarked it with complaints.

My husband is now muttering that he doesn’t feature in this account. Apparently, it was his arrival home mid-morning that brought instant order and joy to the household (of course, how did I not notice?). But he must be commended for ‘noticing the signs’ that all was not well and making a quick about turn to fetch me a coffee. And for braaiing the perfect lamb ribs. So ok, he makes a pretty strong case for saving the day.

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