If you’ve driven under the influence of alcohol before, thinking, “Ag, home is just around the corner, I’ll be fine,” think again. Change that mentality and consider this your sign to never think that way again.

The KZN Department of Transport is on a spree of its own — not the (drinking) “spree” 67 motorists went on over the weekend, but rather a campaign to expose the stories heard from drunken drivers.

And you know what? Apart from their faces being posted all over social media with the funniest stories attached to them, the comments are just as hilarious!

Mzansi clearly has no chill. When you’re down and out and think things can’t get any worse, the comments will knock that last nail into your coffin of humiliation.

So, in case you missed it, the KZN Department of Transport has posted pics and videos of drunk drivers arrested in uMhlanga and Durban North over the weekend.

The stories they told are some of the most absurd and funny things I’ve ever read.

Among the arrests were:

“The master of zigzagging, who was arrested by RTI last night for drunk driving in Durban North. He left everyone dizzy and confused. Unprovoked, he singled out Kaizer Chiefs as his favourite team. However, he could not remember any players because he had just arrived from Italy, where he apparently lived for five years. That’s what he said. After 30 minutes, he was complaining that, as the number one Orlando Pirates supporter, he felt disrespected and demanded to be treated with respect.”

“Another motorist, strangely, said he had fainted five times after his arrest. Nobody saw him, though — which means he was imagining himself fainting. He then indicated that he was going to faint in five minutes. We immediately directed him to sit on that magic couch so he could faint comfortably.”

“A Polo driver was arrested at an intersection with only a stop sign — no robots. But when RTI asked the driver why it took him so long to proceed, he responded: “We are waiting for the robot to turn green.”

One motorist demanded to be detained in holding cells with a sea view along Umhlanga Beach.

While some are questioning the legality of naming and shaming these motorists — “We should write to the Information Regulator to test the legality of recording alleged offenders. I don’t believe this passes the test for lawful processing” — others are sharing their experiences.

And now for my favourite comment:
“I have been in this situation and cried my lungs out, but I would like to thank the officers who let us cry and be dramatic. Thank you for also telling us that it’s going to be okay, and for how you managed to calm us down before locking us up in the holding cell. Once you experience this, you will never do it again — ask me, I know.”

Whether these stories have been exaggerated or not remains undetermined. I mean, could the saying ‘a drunk man never lies’ be true in this instance? But one thing is for sure: the humour clearly gave thousands of South Africans a great start to the week.

For more from Northglen News, follow us on Facebook, X or Instagram. You can also check out our videos on our YouTube channel or follow us on TikTok.

Click to subscribe to our newsletter – here