How to spot if your child is been bullied and what you can do to stop it – SAPS advice

What is bullying?

Bullying is repeated aggressive behaviour that can be physical or verbal.

You are made to feel hurt, angry, afraid, helpless, hopeless, isolated, ashamed and even guilty that the bullying is somehow your fault. You may even feel suicidal.
Your physical health is likely to suffer and you are at a greater risk of developing mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety or low self-esteem.

Types of bullying

Physical bullying includes the following:

• Hitting, kicking or pushing someone, or even threatening to do it
• Stealing, hiding or ruining someone’s things
• Hazing, harassing or humiliating someone
• Making someone do things he or she does not want to do.

Verbal bullying includes the following:

• Name-calling
• Teasing, taunting
• Refusing to talk to someone
• Excluding someone from groups or activities
• Spreading lies or rumours about someone
• Insulting or otherwise verbally abusing someone.

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If you are being bullied, remember –

1. Not to blame yourself

It is not your fault. No matter what someone says or does, you should not be ashamed of who you are or what you feel.

2. Be proud of who you are

Despite what a bully says, there are many wonderful things about you. Keep those in mind instead of the things you hear from bullies.

3. Get help

Talk to a parent, teacher, counsellor or other trusted adults. Seeing a counsellor does not mean that there is something wrong with you.

Tips for dealing with a bully and overcoming bullying

There is no solution to bullying or a best way to handle a bully. It may take a variety of different responses to find the strategy that works best for your situation. To defeat a bully, you need to retain your self-control and preserve your sense of self.

Walk away from the bully

Bullies want to know that they have control over your emotions, so do not react with anger or retaliate with physical force. If you walk away, ignore them or calmly and assertively tell them that you are not interested in what they have to say. In this way, you are demonstrating that they do not have control over you.

Report the bullying to a trusted adult

If you do not report threats and assaults, a bully will often become more and more aggressive. In many cases, adults can find ways to help with the problem without letting the bully know that it was you who reported them.

Repeat as necessary

In the same way as the bully, you may have to be relentless. Report each and every bullying incident until it stops.

Find support from those who do not bully

Having trusted people you can turn to for encouragement and support will boost your resilience when being bullied. Reach out to connect with family and real friends. There are plenty of people who will love and appreciate you for who you are.

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Spot the warning signs that a child or teen is being bullied

If a child is being bullied, it may not be obvious to a parent or teacher. For example, most bullying occurs away from adults, when children are alone at school or on their way home from school. Bullies tend to be adept at hiding their behavior from adults and bullying victims will often cover up evidence, because of a sense of shame at being victimized.

The following warning signs may indicate your child is being bullied:

Your child appears worried, angry and moody
Your child may experience nightmares more frequently
Physical complaints increase and your child avoids explaining physical injuries
Withdrawal from friends and activities that they used to enjoy

Take steps to stop bullying

Talk to children about bullying

Merely talking about the problem can be a huge stress reliever for someone who is being bullied. Be supportive and listen to a child’s feelings without judgement, criticism or blame.

Find help for a child who is afraid of a bully

Make sure that other teachers, friends and counsellors know that the child is being bullied. No child should have to deal with bullying alone.

Report the incidents to the relevant authorities.

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Email: Reveshni Douglas (Editor) at reveshni@caxton.co.za

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