Warning: Some readers may find this column offensive!
* In a statement from broadcasting house, all future Manchester United games will now be shown on the gay porn channel. It is thought that 11 assholes being regularly shafted is too explicit for regular TV.
* What do you call a chaar ou who travels a lot? Bindair Dundat.
* Why did the gujji ou think the film Gandhi was about a woman? Because Be(h)n Kingsley was in it.
* Why did the gujji ou go to London? To see Big Behn.
* An American businessman goes to India on a business trip, but he hates Indian food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he’s in luck; there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. 30 minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, “What the heck did you put on this pizza?” The delivery man bows deeply and says, “We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only.”
* What do you call an Italian hooker? A pastatute.
* Sophie just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Sophie. Luca’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.” So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and said, “Mama, mama, Luca’s got a big hairy chest.” “Don’t worry, Sophie,” says the mother, “All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.” So up she went again. When she got up to the bedroom, Luca took off his pants, exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. “Mama, mama, Luca took off his pants and he’s got hairy legs!” “Don’t worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take good care of you.” So up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks and on his left foot, he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs. “Mama, mama, Luca’s got a foot and a half!” “Stay here and stir the pasta,” said the mother. “This is a job for mama!”
* What is the Guillotine? A French chopping centre.
* “Waiter, would you please get your thumb out of my soup?” “So sorry, sir, but I have a boil and the doctor told me to keep it warm.” “Well, why don’t you just stick it up your ass?” “I do, sir, but I’ve got to serve customers occasionally.”
* During a funeral for a woman who had henpecked her husband, drove her kids half nuts, fought with the neighbours at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of their cat and dog with her explosive temper… As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke and the pastor’s benediction was drowned out by a blinding flash of lightning, followed by terrific thunder. “Well, at least we know she got there all right,” commented her husband.
* A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife. “Please describe,” said his attorney, “the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife’s fidelity.” “Well, I’m pretty much on the road all week,” the man testified. “So naturally when I am home, I’m attentive to the wife.” “One Sunday morning,” he continued, “we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, ‘Can’t you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?”
