Fifty Shades of Grey has created a big hoohaa among people this February. All over you see aunties leaning over fences, clad in gowns, slippers and rollers, discussing it and putting to rest the neighbourhood gossip.
Seriously a ‘B’ rated movie that is meant to excite the ‘inner sexual goddesses’ is way better than Aunty Sarises’s jungli (wild) daughter or Poona’s drunkard son. On Valentines Day evening, when couples were supposed to be out celebrating, they flocked to the Victorian Theatre in Newcastle to watch it.
The amount of people at the cinema looked like Jet when they are having a 50 percent sale.
But with all the hype surrounding the movie, why not give the infamous movie an Indian twist, with a dash of masala, a sprinkle of spice and all things nice. The name, firstly would have to be changed to R49.99 Shades of ‘Manja’ (Orange).
Why? Because we are bright and bold and grey is a bit too colourless. Then the leading character, Christian Grey, would have some gold here and there. I mean really so much money but he can’t even afford one gold tooth, ring, chain or all of the above.
Our leading lady, Anastasia Steele would have to obtain her dad’s permission before even going near him, let alone rendezvousing in the ‘Red Room’. This permission can only be obtained when Grey comes home with marie biscuits and his family in tow.
Our leading lady would also have to be accompanied by her very annoying younger sibling every time she saw Grey, to prevent any rolling-in-the-marigolds, unless the marigolds are in your hair and around your neck as a garland on your wedding day.
But then if Anastasia is the sneaky type she probably would not bother and still go visiting the realms of marigolds. But she is an Indian woman and Indian women don’t take nonsense.
So some of the toys in the infamous red rooms will be either thrown out, recycled or sold for double the price by simply saying, “because I know you, I dropped the price.”
The famous blindfolds will be wet, wrung out and used to give Grey a good hiding if he doesn’t listen. The duct tape will be used to stick pictures on the wall – that life size Shah Rukh Khan poster can’t stick itself.
And finally the galvanized chain will be used to keep Rover the dog outside, so he doesn’t defecate in other people yards.
So with that being said the next time you hear or read about Fifty Shades of Grey pay some thought to R49.99 Shades of Manja.
