The statues meet to protest that they were not consulted

It was after midnight when they met. Coronation Park was bathed in darkness and only the smashed green liquor bottles and the condom packets occasionally reflected the moonlight that every now and then peeped out between the clouds.
It was Gandhi who had called the meeting. After all. he was the one who had stood up to discrimination and he felt it was again time to dust off the passive resistance handbook.
His only drawback was the fact that he had no arms. Whoever sculpted his bust and left it at the Museum did not think it was necessary for the man of peace to have any limbs as he was considered armless.
Dick King had ridden up from Durban and the two soldiers from the Cenotaph had also made it with the injured guy not looking too bad considering he had been injured nearly 100 years ago.
Cecil John would have made it but had to tender apologies as he could not escape to the hinterland from the vault he had been locked in at UCT- a university his 23-million pound legacy had helped build.
Oom Paul had also sent apologies as he rather fancied having Sunette Bridges chained to him on the plein. The Leopard from Rorke’s Drift was also there and as the only ‘Zulu symbol’ at the meeting was keen to give input.
Several mannequins had also rocked up from Miladies, Fashion Express and other clothing shops. Gandhi reckoned the memo had been sent to them in error as they were not strictly statues. However, being passive, he let it go.
The mannequins were nervous of being targeted and felt that green paint would not just do when you are wearing Pringle. The statues were concerned that having stood stationary for so long they would have to move elsewhere.
Dick King was particularly concerned about his horse following the attack on the horse statue in PE.
The Cenotaph soldiers thought they were pretty safe especially now that their palisade fencing had been painted. However, the unexplained dumping of objects – ranging from nappies, oil cans and even street signs – at the Cenotaph had made them uneasy of late.
The Rorke’s Drift leopard said we should erect a statue of Michael Caine as it was the iconic film Zulu – in which he starred – that has brought more tourists to the battlefields than any pamphlet. The Mandela statue arrived late for the meeting – costing R2-million, he thought he could do as he pleases. Being Mandela, though he supported the Leopard’s suggestion.
It was also minuted that the statue be built out of green concrete to put one over the vandals. And with that, the statues melted into the darkness.