Banning words is the tender choice but don’t tell anyone

In the Land of the Free (no, not Wasbank – The USA) they are banning words.
The Education Department there has issued 50 offensive words so as not to upset ANYONE – except possibly the Statue of Liberty.

The words include ‘Dinosaur’ and ‘evolution’ as they might offend Creationists, ‘Halloween’ that suggests paganism and the word ‘birthday’ which may upset Jehovah’s Witnesses.
But there are also other words – the banning of which is mystifying: words like crime, television, running away, rap music (well, that should just be banned full stop), slavery, religion and so on and so forth.

So, now The Bowman can reveal that the Republic of Endumeni is to also consider banning several words.
These words will not be allowed to appear in SMS messages, in newspapers, Facebook etc.
The words outlawed here include sewage in the river, leaking pipes, jobs at the Municipality, the Springboks results and bad parking.

Protestors may argue that this would make life and conversations pretty boring around here. Already the old saying of no talk of religion and politics in pubs and clubs had had many grumbling for years.
Wankie, we hear, also wants the price of meat banned as he finds it traumatic.

He feels the same about the diesel price and, with talk of rugby also banned, he has taken to watching soccer, following Bafana’s resurgence. However, like most, he finds the off-side rule confusing.

Don’t worry, Wankie, we all do.
So what else can we ban while are at it?
PW must be finger-wagging somewhere murmuring ‘I told you I was right – you have to ban to govern.’
With the petrol price steadily climbing, it is better to get cars to run on hot air.
I mean there is enough of it around here.

There is another word that is also going to be prohibited- potholes. Another word on the cards to hit the bin is the word that sends a horrible shiver down everyone’s wallets:
Tender. And we are not talking about the meat braaied by Pieter and Jakes Juggan.
No, this all about the guy with half an office and a battered fax machine, who drives a Volvo getting an R80 million tender to build something or other for something or other Department.

This is scary.
Would you trust your plumber or your hairdresser to overhaul your R1 million rig? Of course not.
So why does the Government give a hairdresser or anyone else who can’t cook jobs worth hundreds of Rands to feed the hungry Government officials?

Oh, of course, I have just clicked why they do that…. They are spending our money and not their’s.