PARTING SHOT – The day the animals ran Endumeni Municipality…
The Goat would be the Mayor – he does not kid around and has lots of confidence
So what can be done with the Endumeni Municipality?
A few sages have made a few suggestions which usually include munitions and boxes of matches. But how about a complete game changer – put the animals in charge. The Goat would be the Mayor – he does not kid around and has lots of confidence.
In the early days of Msinga Municipality, a particularly large Billy Goat strolled into the Council Chamber and gobbled up a few Council agendas before being shooed off by an irate Mayor.
Goats are cool and know how to dodge cars. Deputy Mayor could be the Rooster. He gets up early and is brave enough to chase the fiercest dogs. This guy would be the ideal foil to the Goat Mayor. Speaker? Parrot of course. An African Grey. Wise and chatty and often rude enough to clamp down on fellow Councillors who may threaten to get out of control at meetings.
Other Councillors? Ward One is a pretty rural area around Wasbank so we will go with a bull. He will charge into situations and make sure he gets his way. As he is prompted to anger when waved a red flag, the EFF guys are advised to tread lightly.
Ward Two is more urban in the Dundee central area so we will go with a dog – a sort of Labrador type. Kind, large but not afraid to snap at those who party in parks.
Ward Three is Sithembile area so a peacock would fit the bill. This guy likes to strut his feathers and loves to be photographed. He will be in charge of Council press conferences.
Ward Four is Sibongile and McKenzie Street. An Alsatian will do the perfect job. Strict, disciplined and those okes in Coronation Park better pack their Heineken now.
Ward Five is down there going towards the other side of Sibongile. This will be from where the Mayoral Goat hails from. He knows the area and can dodge taxis and cars alike.
Ward Six is also pretty rural but includes Peacevale and Forestdale so a Cow will be their representative. She will be the perfect calm and placid and kindly mother figure among all the tough guys in the Chamber.
Ward Seven is Glencoe and Talaphi so we will need a versatile guy. A Hadada. He screams a lot to bring the people under control and is pretty sociable. He is a people’s bird and is also an early raiser – something which is needed with all the Council work to be done.
But, I hear you cry, who will be the bodyguards? Unlike softy humans, animals are tough. They live on their instincts, do not steal and only eat when hungry. The humans under their control will have to up their game and the SPCA will be re-named (you know how we love re-naming stuff around here) the SPCH. However, the animals are likely to slash the grant-in-aid, so the humans will have to start raising their own funds to look after each other.
Humans who drink in public, cause public disturbances and march in town will be impounded. Anyone who has not been claimed by its rightful guardian within 21 days will be auctioned off to the highest bidder. Cameras will be installed throughout the town to ensure the humans behave themselves. A pack of slavering Rottweilers will act as traffic cops to ensure bylaws are implemented. Animals who use humans as servants will have to register these humans and pay a licence fee. No animal will be allowed to own more than two humans.
Humans that procreate unnecessarily will be sterilised.
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