How to cope when you’re a single mom

If you’re a single mom, then you know the job is not for the faint of heart. You are your child’s mom, dad, friend, taxi driver and a whole lot more.

The pressure is intense and you can often find yourself mentally, physically and emotionally drained.

But that’s okay. Don’t throw in the towel yet.

Sometimes all you need to do is take a deep breath, and move on. After all, you are not only a single mom; to your child you are super-mom.

See our guide below on how to cope with the daily challenges of being a single mom.

 

Deep breath… now count to ten:

Children don’t come with instruction manuals. It is easy to lose your temper when you are constantly in stressful situations, and to top it off, you are on parent duty 24/7. If you feel you’re about to lose your temper, walk away and count to ten. You will feel better in a few minutes, and more ready to face the problem with your child.

 

You’ve got time:

Mornings are hectic. It’s a rush to get your children dressed, fed, and ready for school. You want to make up beds and tidy a bit before leaving the house. Ditch the morning chores and spend that extra hour or so with your little ones. This laid-back approach takes a lot of pressure off you, and your children will enjoy the extra quality time.

 

Give yourself a well deserved pat on the back:

No one is going to pat you on the back when you have managed to serve up a hot, healthy dinner after working all day and then doing homework and household chores all in one. You should know you’re the one making it all happen. Look in the mirror, smile, and tell yourself that you are doing an awesome job.

 

Always be prepared:

Always make sure you have extra Sippy cups, snacks and clean clothes stashed in your car. Accidents can happen anytime and anywhere. It makes sense to have a backup plan rather than no plan at all.

 

Learn to multi-task wisely:

Laundry, dishes, mopping the floors and crying children… It all seems too much at times, doesn’t it? As a mother, you master the art of multitasking like a pro, before falling to the ground with exhaustion. It’s really not that bad though. Accomplish house chores and playtime simultaneously by sitting in the lounge with your laundry basket while your children play with their cars and dolls. Join in on their fun every few minutes, even if it’s just to make a car sound.

 

You need a social life too:

Happy hour, office parties, and trips to the salon always seem to take a back seat in your life. “I just don’t have the time,” seems to always be an excuse. You seem to feel that as the only parent, you’re needed at home physically and emotionally all the time. No! For the sake of your mentality, you need a social life. I’m not saying go out every night, but make an effort to meet a friend for a cup of tea/coffee or a well deserved ‘girls night out‘, at least once a month.

 

Establish ground rules:

Children need rules. Set up a chore chart and let them know they will be rewarded for helping out in the house. Children don’t mind doing work if they know they will be getting something out of it.

 

Set boundaries:

Children with single parents often take chances when it comes to discipline. It’s your job to make them understand when their behaviour is crossing a line. Setting house rules will help them notice what behaviour is acceptable and what is not.

 

Ignore it:

Children, especially ones who have single or divorced parents, often act out using misbehaviour as a method to draw attention. Do not allow it to succeed. Walk away and ignore the behaviour. The children will soon realise they are not gaining anything and they will stop. After they have calmed down, address the matter and explain the consequences of their acts.

 

Time out:

Yes, the dreaded time out. Choose a place, such as a chair or a corner in the house. Let your child sit there for a few minutes. Your child is challenged to think about their bad behaviour, and the fact that children hate being alone, will make them not want to be in the quiet corner again.

 

Take care of mommy:

When your children are all tucked into bed and sound asleep, take an hour for yourself. Read a book, watch a movie, or even paint your toe nails. You deserve the much deserved ‘me time’.

 

Don’t be shy to ask for help:

You might be ‘super mom’, but you are not super woman. You are not going to know everything all the time. You will have times when you feel like you are falling apart and just need a time out for yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask someone for help. Drop the children off at grandmas for an hour, and judst go and rejuvenate yourself. No one will think you’re failing because for a brief moment you could not cope.

 

Don’t take your anger out on your children:

The job of being a single mom is hard. The stress levels seem to always be at their peak, and on a bad day a tantrum can be more annoying than other days. Be very careful not to take your anger out on your child. Rather, leave the room and come back in when you’re feeling better. The damage it can cause to a child is something you will regret in the future.

 

Dealing with a sick child:

Flus, colds and runny noses… A mom’s worst nightmare is when their child is sick. You hardly get any sleep, and will most likely need to take time off work and nurse your little one for a day or two. This can be tough when work circumstances don’t allow this type of freedom. Arrange with a family member or close friend to help you look after your child until you get home.

 

Last but not least, remember there is no such thing as a perfect parent:

Yes, you read correctly. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Even if you have read all the books and followed every piece of advice, you are bound to mess up somewhere. This does not make you a bad parent; it makes you a realistic parent. You are only human, and as a single mom you need to make do with what you have.

Do you have any other advice for single moms and dads? Feel free to share your tips in the comment section below.