I have been dating my partner for a couple of months now and I know his soul. He is kind, giving, loving and supportive. He is my friend and most definitely my lover. He is the kind of man one always talks about dating. He seems to instinctively know what I need when I need it. He is smart and surprisingly wise, on those days when the Scorpio in me is itching for a fight he knows how to calm me without making me feel handled. He is fun and social and funny and manages to make me feel like I could be all those things too. In a world filled with uncertainty he is my safe harbour.
This man that I love and value so much has been reduced to simply being a “Ben10”by someone I barely knew. I have no issue with people having an opinion about my relationship, I knew getting into it (it wasn’t an easy decision to make) that it would raise a few ignorant eye brows but I did not expect someone who knows nothing about him or I or the extent of our relationship to loudly and dare I say boldly declare that all my man is to me is a toy boy. The fact that my man’s identity was reduced to nothing more than being a younger man dating an older woman bothered me. There are so many layers to him, so much character and depth.
Maybe the thing that bothered me about the whole incident is my perspective of what it means to be a Ben10, to me a Ben10 is a man who is at least 10 years younger than their partner, someone who has not yet grown into their own and treats dating someone older as a novelty, he sees dating an older woman as an item to be placed on his bucket list. He is a man looking for someone to look after him (financially and other wise). Should we automatically assume that all men who date older women are in the relationship for “sport”?
In a world where Bruce Jenner can become Caitlyn Jenner, how can it be hard for people to understand my choice of partner? And the relationship we choose? How can me loving him and him loving me be odd? How can a four year difference cause so much uproar? How can society accept a man dating a woman 10 years younger, but want to ridicule my another man for loving someone older?
I’m not a cougar, I refuse to accept that label. The word cougar has negative connotations for me. It implies that I was the one who initiated the relationship that I chased after him when the truth is that he pursued me, wowed me and eventually convinced my heart to let him in. I’m 32 going on 33 capable, eloquent, smart and independent. I have lived through enough to understand who I’m and my role in the greater scheme of life, I do not need the validation of a younger man to make me feel sexy or whole.
Why can’t we judge each relationship, each interaction on merit? In fact why judge at all? One should try to not impose their experiences, bigotry and views onto others. It always comes off as ignorant.
