With the holiday season upon us, and many of us heading out (or planning on heading out) on the roads towards our holiday destinations, I wanted to give you, our reader, some insight into surviving these trips.
But, in my search for this valuable information, it became quite clear that it would not help to give you lengthy rules from an expert, so I turned to South African drivers, because, as South Africans, I believe we will be able to relate to these suggestions.
Here are the rules of the road, according to them:
• A real South African never uses an indicator. It gives away your next move.
• Never leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, as this space will be filled by at least two taxis and a BMW, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
• The faster you drive through a red traffic light, the less chance you have of being involved in an accident.
• Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign; no one expects it and it will most probably result in your being rear-ended.
• Braking should be done as hard and late as possible to ensure your ABS kicks in; you will not only have a chance to stretch your legs, but receive a foot massage as well.
• A good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake, is to pass, wherever possible, on the left; never on the right.
• Speed limits are only given as a guideline, and are, especially in South Africa, not applicable during rush hour – that is why it’s called rush hour.
• Just because you are in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move over, doesn’t mean the driver behind you, flashing his high beams, thinks it is impossible.
• Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help, you will be mugged.
• Learn to swerve abruptly as South Africa is the home of the high-speed slalom driver. This is thanks to the government placing holes in key locations on the road, to test a driver’s reflexes and keep them on their toes.
• It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light turns green. It also helps to prevent storks from building their nests on top of the traffic light and birds leaving a deposit on your car.
• Remember that the goal of every South African driver is to get there first. By whatever means necessary.
Now, after you stopped laughing at these tongue in cheek ‘rules’, please remember that courtesy and patience towards your fellow drivers on the road go a long way. Please ensure you follow the rules of the road and obey the traffic laws, in order for everyone to reach their destination safely, enjoy their holiday and come back to face another day.
Until next week, stay safe and look out for each other.
