There was a moment of quiet reflection in the Desmond Tutu Great Hall when attendees were challenged to consider a question many people spend a lifetime avoiding: Who am I beyond the expectations placed upon me by society, family, and culture?
It was one of many powerful moments during a Chapters & Conversations session hosted by VUTFM in partnership with the Vaal University of Technology (VUT) on May 29.
Featuring acclaimed author, actress, entrepreneur, and motivational speaker Ayanda MaNgubane Borotho, the event offered students, staff, and community members an opportunity to engage in an honest conversation about identity, healing, purpose, and personal transformation.
Drawing on her bestselling book, Unbecoming to Become: My Journey Back to Self, Ms Borotho shared her deeply personal journey of rediscovering herself after years of living according to expectations that no longer reflected who she truly was.
Facilitated by renowned broadcaster and communications practitioner Thato Belang, the conversation moved beyond the pages of the book and into the realities of everyday life.
Participants were encouraged to reflect on who they are beneath the titles they hold, the roles they fulfil, and the expectations society places upon them.
Sharing the inspiration behind her book, Borotho revealed that it emerged from one of the most difficult periods of her life.
“From the outside, everything seemed perfect. I was married, raising children, running businesses, and acting on one of the country’s biggest television productions. However, internally, I was struggling with a deep sense of sadness and disconnection from myself,” she shared.
For many in attendance, her honesty resonated deeply.
Borotho explained that writing the book became a journey of healing and self-discovery, allowing her to confront inherited beliefs, societal expectations, and personal experiences that had shaped her identity.
One of the most poignant moments of the conversation came when she reflected on how easily people lose themselves while trying to be everything for everyone else.
“I was everything to everybody else, but I did not know who I was for myself,” she said.
Throughout the discussion, Borotho explored themes of authenticity, emotional healing, self-worth, womanhood, relationships, and the courage required to live truthfully. She challenged attendees to examine the “coats” they carry, identities and beliefs inherited through culture, religion, family expectations, and social conditioning.
She encouraged participants to let go of those that no longer serve their growth and personal development.
“Authenticity cannot exist outside of truth. Your power is found in your truth,” she explained.
Another message that resonated strongly with the audience was her distinction between strength and power.
“Strength is a posture of war. Power is a posture of being. When you know who you are, you no longer have to fight to prove your worth; you simply exist in your power,” she said.
