Inspector Clueless WITH a Map – by Tilley the Accidental Tourist

OH why do I attract the loonies into my life? Have I got something written on my forehead like ‘Flypaper for Freaks’?

Clearly yes. Only visible to the fit though because when I look in the mirror I can’t see it. And I sure haven’t seen the inside of a gym since, well since they were invented.

I always thought it safer that way. It’s hard enough walking in a straight line and now you want me to balance on a bicycle? Really? I mean really? Uh, no thanks.

However this invisible little post-it on my forehead has gotten me into trouble again. I am now sitting on the verge of a precipice. Is this the end of my life? I can see the whole world from here. My expedition has come to an end. It’s been a blast. Thanks for the ride.

And then through this surreal world I am sure I was leaving, I get a nudge to move out of the way. Cool, I am in the wrong queue. I am here to stay but where am I?

I am surrounded by fitness freaks and bicycles, long windy paths only fit for cattle and stray sheep, or maybe the odd misinformed Canadian squirrel (they don’t get them down here much).

I am in the thick of Expedition Africa. I might have mentioned this race before when I was making plans to leave the country in time, but alas, the South Coast fever struck and I am a permanent resident now.

Actually, I will cut the cynicism and stop pretending that I am not excited, having discovered a) I am alive and b) part of one of the world’s greatest adventure races.

It’s a 500 kilometre non-stop race on KZN’s South Coast where Adventure racing is a bit Survivor does Amazing Race; but no-one gets voted off the island, competitors participate in teams of four and they don’t get to travel on planes or in cars. Feet, mountain bikes and kayaks will transport these rugged competitors.

Actually these athletes are quite cute – all those 6 packs (I have mine too but packed in my backpack) and tight abs. On the pretence that I am a travelling journo, I hook up with the media teams, so now I feel quite important. I am part of the 40 teams of four from 17 countries.

Very funny names these teams have – like NoNameSport.ru, Haglofs Silva, Tecnu, Merrell Adventure Addicts, Team Cyanosis, Black Diamond, Castle Lite, Olympus, Jabberwock, PennyPinchers and Warriors.

Perhaps all that fresh air that goes into their brains when they are breathing so heavily has affected their mental faculties. And they start at 7am in the morning – the sun is only beginning to rise.Yup, clearly affected.

So I decide I will just stick around for a day or two and then head back to my comfy bed and dark curtains. But more about the people. They are so cool, they ran a fun exercise with the local community, about ocean safety and kayaking and things. And they got really awesome t-shirts and a big lunch pack to boot! I can now forgive them for their freakiness. Good on you guys (and brave gals).

Expedition Africa made its base in the town of Port Edward on the South Coast and apparently there are rumours that KwaZulu-Natal may well host the 2016 World Champs. Here’s to all things grand and beautiful. And to far out people and places.

 See you in Paradise.

So until we meet again, get your people to call my people. 0800 FINDME. Erratum: marketing@tourismsouthcoast.co.za

Signing out,

Inspector Clueless WITH a map aka Tilley the Tourist.