GBV survivor seeks to break stigma against abuse

ANTOINETTE Lottering exudes passion and a vibrant zest of life, one could never tell that this young woman has experienced a past filled with abuse and turmoil. Speaking to the SUN, she shared her heartfelt story, amidst the concerning reports of gender based violence (GBV) in the news and media currently.

“I think it is everything that has happened to me that influenced who I was growing up and shaped me into who I am today,” she reflected. Antoinette was the victim of sexual abuse from as young as six years old at the hands of a very close neighbor.

“This person was a church boy, we used to go to the same church together. I felt I had done something wrong to deserve it. I questioned how come my parents couldn’t tell what was going on to their little girl, as I was too ashamed and scared to say anything. It ruined me, it ruined my life,” she said. This traumatic experience turned her into a hard and defensive person who inflicted pain on others.

“I became rebellious and rude. I didn’t focus in school and didn’t respect my parents. Everything that is wrong, I tried. In a way, I was trying to take away the pain and shame that I had been carrying around with me. Growing up, I felt very isolated. It’s like something comes over a person when they get abused or raped. It silences you and you can’t even trust anybody.”

Her parents eventually found out about the abuse she had endured as a minor but by then, Antoinette had already spiraled into a darkness of drugs, alcohol, crime and more abuse. “I went to a psychiatrist but I don’t remember it helping me in any way. I had been deeply hurt. I used any drug that I could find, hoping it would numb the pain,” she said, sharing that she also hung out with gangs and would often run away from her home in Wentworth.

She had her first daughter at the age of 21 and circumstances forced her into being a single mother. In her efforts to try raise her child, the shadow of crime and abuse followed her and she even suffered a severe injury after being assaulted by an unknown man.

“I later met a wealthy man, much older than me who showered me with gifts and bought all the things my daughter needed. I ended up making a home with him, trying to have a family life. But in this home there was so much abuse. For years, verbal, emotional and mental abuse was a part of our daily lives from both himself and I. It was like he broke me. The drug abuse continued,” she said. She had three more children, who she shared, witnessed a lot of abuse in the home.

It was after she was swindled of her home, that her life began to take a turned around. She returned to her hometown, Wentworth. Trying to fight the lifestyle she had always known, she went to church where a pastor prayed for her and helped her see the light.

“There was one morning after a party with friends, where I realized I had enough. I sent the children to go ask my father for money for bread. I sat alone in the lounge and prayed, to God for a breakthrough. I prayed from the deepest place. I wanted to cry but my tears had run dry. Afterwards I took all the drugs and alcohol in the house and flushed it down the drain. Three years later today, I am clean, I am healed, I am at peace. Looking back now I see that God had protected me against so much even in the midst of all the turmoil I had endured. I can recall many times that I could have died, but God saved me,” said the beaming mother of four.

Today she stands the healthiest and happiest she has ever been. She is a survivor of GBV, drug abuse and many traumas. She shares her past and breakthrough with many youth in her community in hopes to encourage them to make better choices. “I’m so grateful to God for covering me with his love. He is my source and He really changed my life around. I have a passion for helping people. I’m building a healthy relationship with my children and focused on being present in their lives.

“For anyone who may be going through something traumatic or has resorted to destructive behavior in hopes to fill a void, seek help from someone trustworthy. God has placed something so strong inside of each and every one of us. There is strength in us to take the step into the right path, you just need to believe it,” she said.

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