Take the other night for example… was slumbering peacefully on Alpha’s side of the bed.
It was hot and I was enjoying the nice cool breeze that filtered in through the window and under the door.
And okay – and to be honest – that wretched Ralph had usurped my basket yet again.
I could see nicely through to the other side of the bed.
But, you understand, I was not seeing because I was sleeping.
Suddenly I hear mom making these quiet grunty noises.
Clearly something was bothering her.
Opened one eye and peered under the bed to see if I could spot the problem.
Indeedy I could.
The problem was very clear.
That cat was sitting on his back legs playing piano on the top of the bed.
More precisely, he was catching bits of mom with his hooks.
Every time she moved he caught her some more – and because it was hot and they were sleeping with only a sheet on, he was making holes in her.
Eish!
I charged around to the other side of the bed and bumped him out of the way.
Oi! That is not how you wake her up to go outside.
Ralph smirked at me.
Could see that he was thinking it was exactly the way to wake her up.
He smirked some more.
I glared at him.
This is how you do it… firstly you scratch a lot.
Then you hump around in the baskie.
MY basket take note.
Then you stumble out of MY baskie.
During all of this you make as much noise as possible.
Deep sighs are good too.
If this does not work… you walk around the room a bit.
Tik tik tik go your toenails on the tiles.
If all else fails, and only if all else fails… you put your front paws up on the bed and give her the nose.
Gently.
None of this peeling the skin off her bones stuff.
I demonstrated.
Mom whinged.
I gave a little howl.
Mom gave a louder howl.
Ralphie flicked his tail at me as if to say you stupid mutt! You don’t have the foggiest clue.
He jumped onto the bed and started kneading her hair.
Okay okay grumbled mom – and stumbled out of bed.
