Get consent, or get sent to prison

According to the Criminal Law (Sexual Offences and Related Matters) Amendment Act 6 of 2012, ‘consent’ means voluntary or unforced agreement.

Consent is an agreement between parties to engage in sexual activity.

There are many ways to give your consent. Consent does not have to be verbal but it can encourage both you and your partner to respect the expectations of each other by verbally agreeing to different sexual practices.

Considerations on whether consent was obtained:

• Parties involved in interpersonal relations must be able to effectively interact and commit to any interpersonal practices.
• The person who initiates any type of sexual activity shall be responsible for obtaining the consent of the other party.
• Silence means no agreement.
• It does not imply consent to past or current sexual or other relationship between the parties.
• Consent is not implicit in the way a person dresses.
• Acceptance of a social invitation is not approval, nor does it imply consent.
• Consent will not be valid if it is obtained from a person whose capacity to consent is impaired because they are asleep, unconscious or altered by the use of alcohol, medicines or drugs to the degree that it adversely affects them.

How does consent work?

When you engage in sexual activity, consent is a matter of communication.

It’s supposed to happen every time. Giving consent to one conduct, once, does not mean consenting to prolonged or repeated sexual contact.

For example, agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t give that person permission to remove your clothes.

Having sex with someone in the past does not give that person permission to have sex with you again in the future.

You can change your mind at any time

If you feel uncomfortable, you can withdraw consent at any point. It is important to tell your partner explicitly that you are no longer comfortable with this practice and that you wish to stop. But because it can be hard for someone to communicate that they’ve changed their mind, or never meant things to get so far, it’s important that both sides check with each other before moving to the next level. The best way to make sure both parties are at ease with any sexual activity is to discuss it.

Positive consent can look like this

• Communicating when you alter sexual activity type or standard with phrases like “Is this OK?”
• Explicitly commit to certain tasks, either by saying ‘yes’ or by making another affirmative statement, such as ‘I am open to trying.’
• Use physical gestures to let the other person know that you are comfortable taking things to the next level.

Consent should not be assumed

Each of us is responsible for ensuring consent is obtained in every sexual situation. If you’re unsure, it’s important to clarify what your partner feels about the sexual situation before having sexual activity initiated or continued. You should not assume you have consent just because of:
• Body language, appearance, or non-verbal communication: One should never assume by the way a person dresses, smiles, looks or acts, that they want to have sex with you.
• Dating relationships or previous sexual activity: Simply because two or more people are dating or have had sex in the past does not mean that they consent to future sexual relations.
• Marriage: Even in marriage, a person should not assume they have consent for sexual activity. Marital rape is as serious as any other sexual assault.
• Silence, passivity, lack of resistance, or immobility: A person’s silence should not be considered consent. A person who does not respond to attempts to engage in sexual activity, even if they do not verbally say no or resist physically, is not clearly agreeing to sexual activity.
• Incapacitation: Alcohol consumption or use of other drugs can render a person incapable of giving consent. Alcohol is often used as a weapon to target individuals and is used by perpetrators to excuse their own actions.