Why women believe cars are better than men

AFTER his comical look at why men love cars more than women, motoring journalist VAL VAN DER WALT takes a look at how the fairer sex feels about their cars… and men.

• Even the most basic budget car available on the market today, is more reliable than most men. It never lets you down and does what you ask of it, first time and without complaint.

• Cars are not full of empty promises. What it says in the brochure is what you get and any minor defects can be promptly dealt with.

• Unlike men, cars can perform at optimum levels for longer than five minutes at a time, and without needing long periods of rest afterwards.

• Cars stay in the garage where they belong. They don’t come into the house and make everything dirty.

• Your car will never go driving around on its own, and come home late at night smelling as if it took an extensive tour through a brewery.

• The paint on the roof will not gradually peel off with time to eventually completely disappear and leave you with a GT stripe over the top.

13 NOVEMBER 2013

Why men love cars more than women

• You can ride your car whenever you are in the mood for riding.

It will never tell you that it doesn’t feel like being driven because it has a headache or because you came home late.

• Your car will not freak out if you look at other cars.

They don’t get jealous, in fact, it doesn’t even mind if you drive other cars. You can rent a car, drive the company car or even take the neighbour’s new model for a spin around the block.

• A car doesn’t care for birthdays, anniversaries or Valentine’s Day.

It doesn’t want roses, just petrol, which is still much cheaper, and tells you in understandable terms when it needs filling up. You don’t have to rely on body language or little suggestive hints.

• Cars don’t have mood swings or a few days in a month when they are unnecessarily emotional, except Italian maybe.

But they have a soul, so it’s understandable.

• You can leave your car in the hot sun for hours, while you sit in the pub.

It won’t bite your head off when you eventually return and refuse to be driven for a week.

• A car can be paid for in easy cash instalments.

Never will livestock be mentioned in the deal and it’s actually legal for men to own more than one.

• Your car doesn’t come with a creepy chain smoking, nagging mother-in-law.

• After driving it the first time a car doesn’t expect you to solemnly pledge your undying devotion in front of the parish priest.

• If you happen to forget to wear your seatbelt your car will not lose its shape by slowly transforming itself into a bus.

• If what you are currently driving starts to look a bit run down and long in the tooth, just trade it for a new model.

Some poor fool will actually pay you to take over your problems.

For writing this I will probably be branded as a male chauvinist pig, spend a night or two in the dog box and get the silent treatment, three more things that my car does not do.

But in all fairness, any road goes both ways and next week I will point out why cars are better than some men.