Olympics SA: Levelling the playing field

After half-heartedly watching the Olympics, I feel it fell spectacularly short of its usual pizzazz.

This is a contest originally competed by the gods! Or for the gods.

Or to avoid being sacrificed by the gods. Or maybe it was guards? But whatever the history, it has always been a pretty epic event.

Everyone around the world with access to television – and absolutely nothing else to occupy their time with during the day – sits glued to the screen, watching in awe as these people throw things, like really far.

And run for like a really long time. Or a really short time.

And jump like really high. It’s all just super, really. But this year, it’s just not the same.

Possibly because the massive signage says ‘2020’ which is trauma-inducing for most of us. Possibly because there are no spectators in the crowd to distract us.

Possibly because half the Olympic contenders had to pull out because of the pandemic.

But I think the real lacklustre of this year’s showdown is that it just can’t compete with what’s happening in everyday life right now.

On the one hand, we’re all trying to survive some virus that seems unnecessarily over-keen on killing us all, one mutation at a time (what is up, Delta?).

On the other hand, we have antivaxxers who’ve somehow sided with the virus in their zealousness to kill us all, if not with humour, then with some next-level herd stupidity.

And on the other hand (as with the gods, there are many hands here) we have the Zumbies and Zuptabots seriously denying our access to Woolies’ freshly-packed strawberries because they’re attempting to free their leader from Makro.

It’s not clear why – to anyone – least of all our state security.

Set against this apocalyptic backdrop, the Olympics doesn’t seem quite as indomitable as it once did.

It’s like holding the Olympics during war times – when you’re fighting death on a daily basis, throwing a long spear really, really far seems pretty pointless, unless you’re aiming it at a Nazi’s head.

But South Africa has managed to arrange its own political shenanigans that seem to be garnering a wider television audience than the Olympics – especially now that so many more homes have access to flat-screen TVs.

There’s the ‘Pass the Buck’ contest which has our best in the state security vying for the gold.

When it comes to who messed up big time on the recent looting intel, we have Police Minister Bheki Cele lobbing the buck straight to State Security Minister Ayanda Dlodlo, who sends the buck onto Defence Minister Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula, who in turn tries to pass it onto the Big Papa himself, only to have it thrown back in her face.

As it stands, the buck stops here. Then there’s the ‘Who Took the Cookie from the Cookie Jar?’ tournament that has so many top contenders you know it’s going to be a photo finish.

We’ve got the red-bereted EFF caught red-handed with their VBS stash. And who can forget the Ace of Diamonds, Mr Secretary General himself, facing 74 charges of fraud, corruption, money laundering and asbestos contraventions? In any other year, he’d get the gold just for that.

But then the judges would be overlooking our golden boy, Dr Zweli Mkhize. A Minister of Health who allegedly misappropriates millions of rands in state funds through irregular tenders … in the middle of a pandemic.

This level of daring is almost sure to bring home the gold!

Anyway, I think with a bit of category tweaking, come the Paris 2024 Olympics, we’ll have an actual shot. Unlike the anti-vaxxers.