It is a picture that tells a thousand stories: Four women who share unmistakable family traits, from their deep blue-green eyes to their prominent cheekbones and wide, white smiles. 

They span four distinct generations: A Baby Boomer shaped by a resilient work ethic and a focus on security; a Gen Xer raised as a self-reliant latchkey kid with a healthy scepticism towards authority; and two Gen Alpha daughters born into a world where smartphones arrived before they did.  

Yet, despite their differences, they share one defining trait: They are all strong-willed individuals who believe a woman’s power lies in her ability to adapt, to love, to care, to take life’s imperfections in her stride and to live life to the fullest.  

This Women’s Month, it is a message they hope will resonate with women across South Africa. 

Even the youngest, who recently turned six, is not afraid to speak her mind. A proud Dutch heritage runs through the family, reflected in the outspoken, larger-than-life personalities they all share. 

We’ve all inherited it, laughs author and journalist Carla van der Spuy (75), referring to her daughter Tanya Botma (42) and granddaughters Aliya (9) and Behati (6), who are constantly showing off their cheeky spirit. 

Rebellious youth and strict routines 

“Back in her youth, Tanya was quite the rebel: Slamming her bedroom door, bunking school for months in matric, sneaking smokes with her friends and even wanting a nose ring (to which we flatly said ‘no’),” says Van der Spuy. “Once, she locked herself in the bathroom and tried to pierce her nose with a pin. I was utterly furious. We still butt heads, though I am a bit more patient now that I’ve grown older.”  

And Aliya, who is in Grade Four at a primary school in Centurion, is prone to talking back, never trusting the word of her mother or grandmother. “She questions me less,” Van der Spuy believes.  

Aliya thinks her grandmother is funny and says yes to everything – even those late-night milkshakes that Botma refuses to treat them to. 

Van der Spuy’s late mother, Geertjie, was from the Netherlands, arriving in South Africa when she was a young woman.  

Van der Spuy remembers her mother as a strict perfectionist – a trait Botma shares with her grandmother. “My mom and I used to clash constantly over my messy bedroom; she would march in, scoop up my clothes, throw them onto the floor and demand I clean them up properly.”  

Now Botma and Van der Spuy clash about Van der Spuy’s untidiness. “I visited my son in England a few months back and Tanya warned me that Louwtjie [her son] would not tolerate my untidiness.”  

Both of them, however, are strict when it comes to lying – although ‘Ouma Carla’ is very gullible about her grandchildren’s lies. “They often fool me (read: lie) about their bedtimes or snacks and sweets they are allowed to have. They have these little angel faces; how could I not believe them? 

“Well, I remember the time when Tanya was around six or seven years old, and R20 was a fortune,” says Van der Spuy. “She lifted money from my purse, slipped it into her own slipper, and came running in, shouting, ‘Mummy, look how much money the tooth fairy gave me!’ That was quite possibly her last brush with a life of crime. 

“In my mum’s day, naughtiness earned you a hiding, but lying meant a serious thrashing.” 

Technology clashes and generational gaps 

For Botma, Van der Spuy’s constant phone talking and lack of technology experience drives her up the wall. “My mother loves talking on the phone for hours and hours. I use my phone just for short WhatsApps to pass on information. Her voice notes are also as long as podcasts and her ringtone is terribly loud – you could hear her phone ringing from the moon. 

“Old people should not be using technology,” snorts Botma. 

“Nonsense,” says Van der Spuy. “I make a lot of videos for Facebook and regularly write updates on my profile.” 

Van der Spuy muses: “Tanya is slimmer, prettier and smarter than… well, children always think they know better, especially when it comes to technology.” 

Van der Spuy, who is a freelance journalist and author of a dozen non-fiction books, believes that the younger generation ‘definitely earns more money than we did’. “I am supposed to be a pensioner,” she snorts, “but I still have to work to earn my keep.”  

Love and dynamic grandmothers 

Botma, who followed in her mother’s footsteps, is a language editor and writer. But unlike her mother, she is focused on a specific routine for her children. “My mum is quite scatterbrained and has a very laid-back attitude with the grandchildren, whereas I’m more focused on routine.”  

She says the only way to punish children these days is taking away technology. “Both of the kids say I’m strict and dream up awful punishments (that’s taking away screen time). They sometimes talk to the cats the way I talk to them when I’m cross. They’ll say something to the cat and then ask, ‘Do you understand me?’ It’s very funny.”  

When it came to her own children, Van der Spuy says she might have been a bit too noisy, but ‘Ouma brings a whole different set of standards’. Van der Spuy believes that Botma has a better eye for detail. “But sometimes she acts like she is the CEO of the universe and can be terribly bossy. Yet, we always have quick, fiery arguments and move straight on with our lives, holding no grudges. Before she had a husband and children, she had much more time, but now with a full-time job and two lively little girls to manage, life is a whirlwind.  

“Tanya,” says Van der Spuy, “is the only one in my family who has read all my books. I asked her to write a Facebook review about my latest book, Die Uitvaart. She kept it short: ‘A wonderfully quirky, slightly weird book about death.’ I think it was sweet and brilliantly striking.” 

Behati, the youngest of the four, says her grandmother is sweet and plays with her. 

Van der Spuy, who affectionately calls her granddaughters ‘The Poppedonsies’ (little dolls) and wrote a children’s book a couple of years ago about a grandmother’s adventures with her grandchildren, believes that a grandmother’s role is not to discipline but to love. 

Even though the differences between these generations are bigger than the Kimberley Hole, Aliya ‘wants to be her grandmother when she gets older’, laughs Van der Spuy. “I have this old pair of sweatpants with holes in, and Aliya believes it to be a fashion statement. She wants pants like that.”  

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