‘Heh-heh.’ When Zuma meets Shaik on the nineteenth

“Hi there, Schabir, long time no see. I’m not surprised still finding you on the nineteenth. Heh-heh.”

“You might not have seen me in a long while, but I’ve seen your priggish pan every day in the media since 9 November 2006, when I was locked up.”

“A face only a mother can love, hey? Heh-heh.”

“What’s so funny? While you had an easy ride, I had to cope with what the dreaded media jocularly called the ‘Lazarus experience’. The embarrassment still eats at me. And, unlike with you, I was broken into real prison life.”

“Ah, come on now, Schabir. I spent 15 years ducking the judiciary and that nasty man, Zondo, who came close to nailing me. You reckon that was easy?”

“Yes, Jacob, but knowing you, the publicity you enjoyed is just up your alley, thanks to Carl Niehaus. The perpetual smirk you carried around was proof enough.”

“Looks deceive, Schabir. Talk about embarrassment, each time Carl opened his mouth, I cringed. I don’t know why the veterans hang on to him. First off, what does a whitey know about black culture? Second, he hasn’t the body of a Zulu. And he can’t handle a spear. I may have a few faults, but I’ve never claimed insurance at the expense of a fake death in the family. Disgusting, I say.”

“That’s true, but comparing notes is dangerous. For a case in point, he has never been accused of raping a young woman.”

“That’s a low blow, Schabir. I was found innocent because the whole incident was consensual.”

“Anyway, Jacob, I suggest you leave before my mates arrive. They wouldn’t understand how come I’m still fraternising with a two-face who deliberately threw me under the bus. In prison I had a Damascus Road experience, unlike the Lazarus one. I saw the light and severed all links with the French connection. Do the same, stay home and talk to your bevy of better halves about austerity measures.”

“That’s why I’m here, Schabir. To afford my wives, I badly need bridging finance. Then there are the lawyers…”

“Sorry, Jacob. I can just about afford my four-ball every week. Tell you what, try doing a Niehaus. Tee-hee. Berahmi se alavida.”